Im NOT blind, you know
by carshaa
Summary: *COMPLEETED* People change and feelings change..somethings wrong... everybody seems to have problems.. but whats wrong with harry? READ IT PLEASE and review.
1. Default Chapter

AN: i have NO idea where this one came from but hey, my problem, its sad, or so I think. Suicide stuff here so.. here goes nothing.  
  
title: I'm not blind, you know  
  
Okay, Ginny's miserable, life's cruel. Love is what everyone wants and usually gets, why doesn't she?  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
You probably didn't know this but I saw you.  
  
I saw you both.  
  
I watched, silently as you two for the first time made out.  
  
I watched as you discovered the wonders of a human body.  
  
The wonders I never experienced.  
  
I watched in the corner of the library, waiting, hurting.  
  
My heart was filled with anger and pain as you moaned.  
  
You hands were tangled in his hair.  
  
Your hands looked so pale against the deep red colour.  
  
Oh my heart was aching, I was in so such a pain, was I dying?  
  
My heart was already in a million pieces as you two stopped.  
  
Then you just hugged, smiled and left the room, holding hands.  
  
I felt myself shaking, a piercing pain going threw my stomach, and I felt sick.  
  
My head started to get light.  
  
And when I touched my face I noticed that it was completely wet of tears.  
  
Suddenly I let out a scream of sorrow and started to cry for this loss.  
  
I rose up, and accidentally smashed a lantern to the floor.  
  
Pieces of glass filled the floor and temptation won.  
  
I took one of them and settled down by a bookcase.  
  
I curled up, as small as possible to block passers view.  
  
Filled with sorrow I didn't even care to try first carefully.  
  
So I just pressed it against my forearm and wished for relief.  
  
As I saw the blood flow I knew this was dangerous, but still I kept on until I got dizzy and my  
  
Thoughts started to drift away. Peace I thought with a smile on my pale lips.  
  
Suddenly, in my state of dizziness, I regretted this.  
  
I could've just given life one more chance,  
  
its too late, I thought and I felt death near.  
  
Suddenly something unexpected happened.  
  
I felt strong arms carry me away, but I wasn't sure if it just was a dream.  
  
The arms were so comforting and I felt a kiss being placed on my forehead, gently.  
  
In my heart the person who was carrying me was Harry, the-boy-who-lived, but apparently was gay.  
  
But in real life it was far from him.  
  
In real life it was you.  
  
You told me you loved me, you said you needed me.  
  
That was probably a lie.  
  
But I needed that comfort, and I loved you for that. I still do. And I would, always.  
  
I thought I was saved, I thought I was safe from myself.  
  
You brought me back, helped me threw those dark times.  
  
You gave me life again; you gave something new to love.  
  
It was you.  
  
You were so different from Harry; you were elegant, cold, but still warm.  
  
Your looks were vice versa from Harry's.  
  
It was so fascinating.  
  
Oh how I loved that almost colourless hair.  
  
But again, I didn't receive love back. No...  
  
Now I'm back where I was when you rescued me.  
  
At the edge of death.  
  
I gave life an other shot, but I didn't get it from you either.  
  
I didn't get love.  
  
Yes I saw you with Granger, Malfoy.  
  
I saw you two by the lake.  
  
I'm not blind you know.  
  
Pressed against each other, like I thought we would someday be.  
  
You just couldn't help yourself, eh?  
  
You just fell in love, is it so?  
  
But I also fell in love, didn't that matter?  
  
The same thing over again.  
  
The same damn thing.  
  
Oh how ironic.  
  
Virginia Weasley didn't get Malfoy or Potter.  
  
I didn't get love.  
  
But Granger and my brother got it.  
  
Oh this just makes me sick.  
  
My heart has just turned to ice, froze out the pain that would've surely killed me.  
  
I didn't want a life without love.  
  
This time I would succeed.  
  
I wasn't meant to live; I got that message clear as water.  
  
My hands were now in a horrible state, I noticed, sitting in my dormitory.  
  
But yet, in a way I loved watching them.  
  
To feel the scars.  
  
It gave me a sense of power.  
  
This is not a healthy feeling I know that.  
  
I'm not stupid, you know.  
  
But I don't care anymore; I'm going to end this.  
  
So in my loneliness, I press the blade harder into my wrists.  
  
And the familiar feeling rushes threw me.  
  
My soul is already gone; it went when I gave up.  
  
It went the day you betrayed me, Draco.  
  
So now it's just my body functioning, just an empty shell.  
  
It doesn't matter at all.  
  
The thought of Draco remained in my mind as the blood flooded out.  
  
I rested my head in my hands when the loss of blood made me dizzy.  
  
I felt tears flood my cheek.  
  
This is what I wanted, I reminded my heart.  
  
I wanted peace; I wanted to be free from my grief.  
  
But still, my heart cried.  
  
But it went still when a person entered my dormitory,  
  
And in a wave of despair I threw the blade into my torso.  
  
Not caring that the person at the door screamed in chock.  
  
You would've stopped me. But this time I wouldn't be stopped, I thought and pushed the blade further now that the pain was fading.  
  
I gasped as the pain burst inside me; I felt blood coming up my throat.  
  
And a tear spilled when I saw Harry look at me in pure terror and in disgust.  
  
I saw him shout something and he knelt in front of me.  
  
Then, for what felt was like a thousand years, you came in.  
  
And you looked desperate and disappointed in me.  
  
Oh god, those eyes.  
  
You fell on you knees and leaned forward.  
  
I felt sorrow fill my heart as I whispered "I thought you loved me."  
  
I coughed heavily, blood appeared in my hands.  
  
"I loved you both, but..you.. didn't.. love.." I whispered and coughed lightly.  
  
"Me back" and then I slid away from consciousness, and faded to my lonely, miserable death.  
  
REVIEW PLEASE! im desperate, no one likes me *sobb* big thanks to everyone who cares to just put a small review that just takes a minute of your busy life. 


	2. I have nothing

AN/ I just got an idea and wrote it down. I felt that people would want to know why.. why Draco did it.. so here is the answer. Thanks to everyone who reads an reviews.  
  
title: Im NOT blind, you know.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Draco stared at the lifeless body in his embrace.  
  
So sweet, so innocent.  
  
Oh god, he thought. It's my fault.  
  
Draco felt a familiar feeling go threw him, the same panic feeling he had felt when he had found Ginny, almost dead. But now. It was for real. His heart was mixed with too many feelings for him to do.anything.  
  
He turned to Potter who was sobbing, hard beside him. The look on his eyes was plain sorrow. Draco felt regret filling him. She had seen him with Granger.  
  
Granger. She didn't mean anything to him. Nothing.  
  
Ginny meant everything, she was his life.  
  
He loved her.  
  
He thought about the times they had spent together. In secret of course.  
  
After the..incidence.. They had been together.. He had helped her out of it.  
  
But It was him he should've protected her from.  
  
The secret meetings in the dungeon, once she had told him, she loved the excitement, the rush.  
  
She had asked him to let her explore his body, asked them to discover it together. It was then he realised that he loved her. She was so frail, so woundable. He wanted to protect her. From everything.  
  
Now... I have nothing, he thought, as emptiness filled him. It was a lonely feeling.  
  
But still, he betrayed her. He could shake it of with a simple sentence "I'm a Malfoy"  
  
But it wouldn't explain anything.  
  
He would never understand why he had kissed Granger.  
  
Maybe he had done it because he was afraid, afraid of love, he thought as the first tears started to fill his icy eyes. This is my fault, now. I don't have anything. Nothing.  
  
She is so beautiful, so sweet. Now I've lost her.  
  
I've killed her. He thought and a blinding pain went threw his body making him feel sick.  
  
He only pressed her closer and prayed that she would surprise us all and just. come back.  
  
"Please, come back." he whispered as tears now flooded his entire face. The loss was to big, it was his life going away.  
  
He didn't even notice that Potter was now standing and his eyes were filed with pure hate and he looked like he wanted to kill him with his bare hands. Slowly and painfully.  
  
This was going threw his head, as he looked at Malfoy.  
  
"What DID you DO! What did you do to HER?" He screamed at Malfoy who looked up, startled.  
  
"I... I.. Didn't tell her what... she wanted..." he whispered, filled with sorrow and looked down at the cold, pale body in his tight embrace.  
  
"LET HER GO! Get your FILTHY, MURDEROUS hands off HER!" he screamed, eyes wide open, filled with rage. And murder.  
  
And Malfoy didn't even notice when the first hit touched him. And not the second but then the third he noticed.  
  
But he didn't care. Not anymore. He was an empty shell; nothing could wound him more than this loss.  
  
He didn't care that Potter was kicking and screaming and hitting him all over.  
  
He tasted blood in his mouth, but he kept his eyes on the beautiful person in his hands. She is so small he thought. Like a. child he finally admitted.  
  
But there was no kind of child ness in what se had done to her self, but its entirely my fault he thought.  
  
Why had she done this, she must've known that I loved her. I told her that. Granger didn't mean anything. Ginny! you knew that.. he pleaded in his head.  
  
Suddenly he felt a searing pain go threw him, this he couldn't miss. He felt himself start to twitch and he screamed in pure pain. He started to cry when he dropped Ginnys lifeless body on the ground. He saw her body plainly roll over on the cold ground, and just stay in the uncomfortable pose. His eyes were still fixed on her.  
  
The red hair, the brown eyes, the small figure, those beautiful lips.  
  
It could've been mine.. for ever.. he thought.  
  
He knew what Potter was doing, he had experienced this before. by his fathers wand. Oh potter he thought as his head was getting filled with the pain. For your sake, stop it. They will send you away.. His eyes were still watering, but the pain. felt. in a sadistic way... Good. He felt a warn liquid burst out from his throat and then his vision stated to fade. This is my end he thought.  
  
I would die by the hands of Potter.  
  
I would die watching the my love.. So beautiful.. .But dead on the cold floor.  
  
My love he thought.  
  
Soon.. Soon I will join you.  
  
A smile started to appear on his bloody lips. And he felt unconsciousness embrace him. It was more then welcome.  
  
He felt a blinding pain go right threw him and he heard Potter laugh a cruel, cold laugh. This made Malfoy go cold of fear, It was so similar. So similar.. He thought as his thoughts stated to drift...  
  
So similar to the dark lords.  
  
He felt himself drift away but his thoughts were now on one person, a person he would love... always.  
  
AN/ I just wanted to say THANKS to my reviewer!!! You will always have a special place in my mind! If you liked this, or want more then REVIEW. Cause I have a good plot in mind.. bai bai 


	3. Dreams, sorrow and comfort

"NO!" she screamed, flying out of her bed, falling on the ground, beside her bed, shaking.  
  
The floor was ice cold, and she felt so alone in the dark. Alone.  
  
Oh my god she thought. Draco!  
  
"NO! DRACO! She screamed and her voice broke as she started to cry.  
  
She was trembling hard, trying to focus her sight but everything was blurred. And the images came back.  
  
"OH GOD NO" she cried, hitting herself hard in the chest, as if to hit the pain, growing, fast.  
  
"IT CAN'T BE! DRACO! I'm alive! I'm alive! "She cried out in pain and started to tear at her hair.  
  
"Don't.." She sobbed, throwing herself as the images overcame her  
  
"DON'T KILL HIM!" She screamed with all her might as the image went threw her and her eyes were now drained with tears.  
  
He felt a blinding pain of pure grief and sorrow go threw her, and her head tilted backwards as she started to shake.  
  
"Come... back..." she sobbed.  
  
"I need. I need..you... Don't..." she whispered, pleadingly. She stated to itch her arms, scratched the scars, and finally. Finally she saw blood appear. It calmed her a bit.  
  
She felt all her powers draining, for that dream. or what it had been had been so.. Horrible. Sick. . She noticed that she was now on her back, still crying but her thoughts were drifting away.  
  
Her heart was aching and she only felt a stabbing pain.  
  
She started to shiver, and her head was now pounding.  
  
She screamed once again, but this time it wasn't anything human like. It sounded like a wounded animal, and she felt like one.  
  
She fell once again backwards, and hit her head on the floor.  
  
Then she lost consciousness.  
  
*  
  
"Oh fuck" he swore as he saw the figure that was on the floor, barely breathing.  
  
Her arms. he thought as he saw the blood, horror was mixed with grief.  
  
He felt a rush of panic go threw him, a familiar feeling.  
  
He knelt before her, and checked her pulse.  
  
Slow but normal.  
  
He sighed out in relief.  
  
I..failed..he thought.  
  
" not again" he whispered and felt his heart break, tears were swimming in his eyes.  
  
He lifted her carefully on the bed and watched as she started to awaken.  
  
She was a beauty, such a good spirit.  
  
My Ginny, I want to protect you. he thought.  
  
She looks so distressed, she looks so broken.  
  
What just happened he thought?  
  
"Ginny?" he whispered softly.  
  
"No..." she sobbed... it sounded like her heart was broken; this made him very uneasy and worried.  
  
She started weakly to cry, and he held her in a soft embrace.  
  
She cringed at him and suddenly she opened her eyes. He saw her eyes change from sadness to disbelief and then joy.  
  
How curious. he thought.  
  
"Draco" she whispered... "You're ... Alive" she whispered then cried out in pure relief.  
  
Draco held her in a tight grip and felt his heart getting filled with love.  
  
But yet... he was worried. She had thought that he was. Dead?  
  
But he decided that right now, he should give her that what she needed the most, comfort, safety  
  
and love.  
  
*  
  
She was now sleeping, peacefully.  
  
She is so beautiful he thought with a sad smile on his lips.  
  
His heart was aching in sorrow.  
  
This is so hard he thought.  
  
He massaged his temple; a headache was on its way he thought.  
  
"I love you so much, let me help you" he whispered, sorrow filled his empty heart.  
  
He would never be sure if she still was suicidal, ,maybe I should just. end it.  
  
But he regretted the thought just as fast as it had appeared. He loved her. She was his life.  
  
He watched her hands that lay on the bed sheets, wounds all over.  
  
Oh how he knew that I helped to see blood.  
  
Blood was purifying. It rinsed all your bad dreams and thoughts.  
  
It calmed a distressed soul.  
  
But it was also dangerous, if you didn't keep control.  
  
Ginny... couldn't handle it. She was too weak, for an other hand. He could.  
  
He pulled up his sleeve and watched the scars that marked his forearms.  
  
He touched them gently with a finger, sending shivers up his spine.  
  
He closed his eyes when the satisfaction filled him.  
  
Yes, I controlled this. But Ginny, she must stop.  
  
I must help her, before it is too late.  
  
Before she ends up like me.  
  
A monster.  
  
AN/ ha-ha! I didn't kill her.. or did I? ha ha They are one of a kind, aren't they.hmm., ideas are popping in my head..  
  
I love all of my reviewers. Its such an joy to read reviews.. Weird actually. that I get so inspired of them. well, I raise my glass to you all and  
  
REVIEW PLEASE!! OPINNIONS ARE NEEDED.. bai bai 


	4. relationships and love

AN/ ah yes....another chapter here... I would like to thank my reviewers.. I noticed that you were pleased that I didn't kill Ginny.. well.. I was mortified.. I always love an tragedic death.. well.. this chapter I will dedicate to my sis cause its her birthday tomorrow. I hope you don't mind.  
  
To my dearest big sister Christina  
  
Your life has not been easy, far from it. But you have survived, with an unreal power And yet, you are still yourself, nothing has changed. Well our relationship to each other has of course. From rivaling children, to two sisters who are the nearest to best friends. I dedicate this Chapter to you, and I wish you the best birthday ever. ~carshaa~  
  
And here goes the chapter. hope you enjoy it.. It's kinda different from the others.  
  
^^^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^  
  
**  
  
"Draco?" she burst out. A smile spread on her lips at the sight of the handsome boy.  
  
No. more than handsome, he was beautiful, elegant, and he was perfect.  
  
She leapt up from her seat in the library and jumped in his arms, more then welcome.  
  
"I missed you" she whispered in his ear. A smile appeared in his lips, oh that famous smile she thought.  
  
"Of course you did, Weasley, who wouldn't miss me"  
  
He stated in such an arrogant tone that she playfully hit him on his arm.  
  
He merely drew her back in his arms and spinned her around in the air.  
  
*  
  
She could hear Ginny's loud giggles as he spun her around, but she turned her head away, as she leaned forward to gently place a kiss on his smiling lips.  
  
This was just too much. she thought.  
  
No, no. she didn't love him. She didn't! She repeated in her head, this was making her feel so tortured.  
  
But why? Oh why is it hurting so much, like a thousand knives going threw my heart.  
  
He was attractive, charming. And who wouldn't fall for his looks?  
  
That blond long hair, those icy eyes. that smile on his lips, right now, she thought as a backstabbing pain of jealousy went threw her.  
  
Tears appeared in her eyes, unwanted of course.  
  
Tears were for the weak! She thought frustrated.  
  
I must be strong, I mustn't cry for something I don't need.  
  
Something useless? With no meaning, something not worth the try.  
  
Something like love  
  
Oh yes.. Everybody has someone, It's always me who ends up alone.  
  
Not that I often fall in love, of course.  
  
Don't have time for that kind of rubbish.  
  
"Oh god" she whispered as they settled down in front of her.  
  
"Hi Hermione" Ginny almost shouted, she was obviously not looking at me, only Draco, her face was showing nothing else but joy.  
  
Ginny sat there, smiling at the blonde boy, whose arms were around her waist.  
  
Hermione felt herself go sick and she bent her head as tears appeared in her eyes.  
  
This.was.too.much.  
  
She snapped her books shut, and nearly ran out of the library, crying, getting odd looks from other students.  
  
*  
  
Ah this really is.heaven... He thought with a smile on his lips.  
  
They were sitting on a couch in the Gryffindor common room.  
  
Ron in his lap, and his arms around the boy's waist.  
  
Laughing at Fred's stupid jokes, really having a good time he thought.  
  
Of course, they knew.  
  
It had been hard to hide these feelings they shared, and it would have been hard to come up with an excuse when the brothers found them snogging on the couch.  
  
So. They came out.  
  
Not that anyone had been surprised, that scared the shit out of me, It seemed like everyone had noticed it.  
  
But they are all cool with it. Of course, Cho had just been a cover up, but everyone understood that too.  
  
Ron was a perfect boyfriend, kind; passionate. you get the drift...  
  
If everything is so...perfect. Voldemort gone. we finished him up three months ago. I got my Ron.then why? He thought, worried.  
  
Why do I have these feelings of. confusion.of. un satisfaction.  
  
Why do I sometimes feel disgusted in me. about me being gay.? What is happening with me? He thought frustrated.  
  
Of course I love to see Ron, so totally in love with me, look at me, obviously proud.  
  
This made Harry's day.  
  
Or it used to.  
  
"Harry?" Ron's voice broke Harry from his thoughts,  
  
"What?!" he snapped before he could control himself.  
  
Ron tensed in his lap and moved away to the seat beside Harry.  
  
"I'm sorry love, don't know what came over me" Harry pleaded, looking sadly at Ron.  
  
"It's ok" Ron mumbled, but Harry noticed that Ron was worried.  
  
*  
  
Who is that ugly figure in the mirror?  
  
No such kind of beauty that would attract that boy who says I'm all he wants.  
  
Again there are tears in my eyes, how typical.  
  
I'm so weak, how can anyone stand me?  
  
My body is thin, not as muscular as Harry's had turned, with the help of quiditch of course.  
  
My legs are too thin, my hands too big.  
  
I look so clumsy and stupid.  
  
That's why people underestimated me.  
  
The professors thought I had cheated when I got top marcs at my exams. That's why they failed me.  
  
No one believed me, except for Harry.  
  
Harry was always there, in my moments of weakness, in despair.  
  
He helped me, he fought for my rights.  
  
And with some help from Dumbledore, he did it.  
  
Since then, I loved him.  
  
I'm a pathetic little creature, aint I?  
  
My life depends on him now; I'd do anything for him.  
  
Anything.  
  
I would rather die than live without him.  
  
And he knows this.  
  
I can see that he likes this; he likes to watch people worship him.  
  
Why shouldn't he?  
  
He is a god... He is our savior. He killed the dark lord.  
  
Shouldn't I be happier, be honored that I got the privilege to be his boyfriend?  
  
I love him that I can never change.  
  
But I can't live with that.  
  
I'm merely a slave, not a human being to him.  
  
It kills me to know this but I've seen it in his eyes, it was so clear.  
  
But yet. I still love him.  
  
I'm often scared of him. He has this temper now Voldemort is finally dead.  
  
He seems so. unsatisfied.  
  
He is sometimes so arrogant, so. cold.  
  
Oh, how it tares me apart to hear him shout at me, to know that he gets a kick from making me get hurt.  
  
These thoughts are hurting me too.  
  
I'm afraid he, just one day, snaps and. he'll do something he will or will not regret.  
  
This pain, it's indescribable. It's unbearable.  
  
Yes, I'm crying again.  
  
But these tears give me some comfort; they are silent, not as when they come violently and tare my heart into a million peaces.  
  
Is this my faith? My future?  
  
Or am I destined to kill myself, with a broken heart?  
  
I throw my arms around me and try to find comfort in any way possible.  
  
I leaned against the wall, and slowly slid down the wall to the ground.  
  
There I sat with my arms around my knees, tears now sprung free.  
  
I feel something rush threw me, a feeling as cold as ice and I break the silence with my tortured sobs.  
  
Yes, I'm crying, I'm letting it all out.  
  
But it gives me only emptiness.  
  
And emptiness I already have.  
  
*  
  
AN/ hey.ya all.. I'm not sure if anyone IS reading my stuff lately. but I've got hope, and if ANYONE is following with this..fic..then tell me.. Cause I live in doubt and sadness. *sniffel* and hey, what did you think about this chapter? I had more about OTHER people then just Ginny and Draco.: Do you like? Or back to Ginny and Malfoy ONLY? Aya.. and how about Ron and Hermione.. .aint it sad... I'm evil. I should make some happy people instead. damn me... REVIEW PLEASE REVIEW I love my reviews-.. ~carshaa~ 


	5. Ginny starts to understand

AN/ the Ron and Harry relationship thing is just a part of the plot. you'll see. I promise. So here's the new chapter.  
  
^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^  
  
Are things as they seem to be?  
  
Are we happy? Or are we living a lie?  
  
His eyes are always expressionless so I can't see his inner feelings threw them.  
  
They're not like mine.  
  
.  
  
Mine are always filled with emotions that are hard to suppress  
  
Why can't he tell me he is feelings?  
  
He can't deny that I've opened my entire soul to him, and his is still as closed as a door.  
  
It hurts me more then anything, it hurts more then that dream.  
  
.  
  
I can't stop thinking about it.  
  
It's constantly in my mind, driving me nuts.  
  
.  
  
Betrayal, death and sorrow.  
  
The three main factors of that "dream"  
  
It's been now a week since I had that dream, that horrid dream.  
  
It still sends shivers up my spine when I think about it.  
  
.  
  
Pain.  
  
I still feel pain when I think of the betrayal.  
  
Horror.  
  
I still feel horror when I think about the murder, the insanity.  
  
It's not possible! My imagination couldn't create such an insane fantasy or vivid dream about Harry.  
  
It was true.It was evil... I saw in his eyes...  
  
.  
  
Much like the one I saw and experienced in the chamber of secrets...  
  
Tears are filling my eyes again, the memory of the chamber of secrets are still fresh.  
  
And they would always be as such.  
  
I'm so weak.  
  
.  
  
What was that dream? What ever it was I will never trust Harry anymore. Not until I solve this.  
  
And as for Draco... I still love him, I feel a faint smile spread on my lips, he is so caring and so strong.  
  
But something is wrong, and it grips my heart with a cold hand.  
  
Why can't he open his heart and let me know.everything.  
  
.  
  
Will I ever experience the love I've been searching for all my life?  
  
Or will it all end in the same way as int that "dream"?  
  
*  
  
There she sits again, in her favourite place in the library, clutching in the corner.  
  
I've seen her here many, oh so many times.  
  
Watching. Waiting.  
  
Thoughts fill my head, thoughts that my subconscious, would rather didn't exist.  
  
But they are there, as I watch her.  
  
She really is beautiful and weak.  
  
I understand that he is attracted to her, who wouldn't.  
  
So weak.  
  
A smile spreads on my lips and I walk away, whistling, with a beautiful idea in my head.  
  
AN/ a very short one but next one will be long CAUSE I wont have access to my computer for a week *Sniff* And as for elf maiden I will do a chapter for I tried but you didn't care, and I will have your ideas in mind, I thank you for them. And I hope I won't loose any reviewers after this, love you all! *big hugs* ~carshaa~ 


	6. What's wrong with Harry?

Ginny lay on the floor with her arms around her, she shivered as the coldness of the floor overwhelmed her.  
  
"It's so cold" she whispered to herself .  
  
The "Dream" was still in her head as clear as if it had happened just right then.  
  
The "dream", she thinks. the "dream" is now apart of me.  
  
It wakes me up middle in the night; it keeps me alert during the day.  
  
It haunts me whenever I'm with Draco and whenever I try to be near.Harry.  
  
This was going threw her head.  
  
.  
  
The loneliness was frightening but yet peaceful.  
  
Of course, there were her roommates. but she didn't like them, they were all practically brainless.  
  
She sighed.  
  
All I want right now is. love.  
  
She looked out threw the window in her dormitory.  
  
Snow.Its snowing, winter is early. she notice.  
  
She smiled and rested her head against her bed.  
  
It was totally dark outside and she figured out that it was probably three o'clock.  
  
She sighed and quietly went down to the common room, because it was no idea to even try to fall asleep again.  
  
Not after that" dream". She shivered to the memory of the dream, Draco.  
  
They couldn't be true, she knew all too well for that.  
  
She shook her head and settled down in a chair in front of the fire, warming herself up.  
  
She fell in a blissful state of thoughts drifting, her thoughts mostly about Draco.  
  
*  
  
"Ah, Ginny. "He whispered as he got the sight of the wounarable red head.  
  
"No sleep?" he asked her with a big smile on her face, obviously not aware that the girl tensed at the sight of him.  
  
"No.Nightmares." she answered, trying to keep her voice steady.  
  
"Well I should know a bit about nightmares, eh?" he laughs hard and gets an odd look from the red head.  
  
Harry feels a bit uneasy now he noticed that she was a bit.drawn away from him.  
  
"Want to talk about them, Ginny?" he asked with a concerned smile.  
  
Ginny shook her head furiously and tries to cower more of her almost naked body under the blanket.  
  
She wished that she'd taken an other night gown with her and not this almost see threw.  
  
But he had already seen her before in it, this she just didn't know.  
  
He had seen her before.  
  
"Well, okay then" he said, still smiling, but this one was stranger, it had a. satisfaction hid in it.  
  
It made her worried and sad.  
  
"You don't mind me sitting here?" he said, it wasn't a question, more like a statement. Because he closed his eyes and leaned back against the chair and Ginny noticed after a while that he'd almost fallen asleep.  
  
She gazed at the boy she had been madly in love with, but felt only fear now.  
  
He had become so.different. so strange... She thought and the memory of the "dream" started to haunt her.  
  
NO! She mentally screamed.  
  
I mustn't think these awful things, it's not healthy. It's not. healthy. she thought weakly.  
  
I need Draco, she thought and a pain of sadness filled her heart. I need comfort.  
  
"Oh Harry." she whispered, but she knew that he isn't awake.  
  
What's happened with you? She thought as tears filled her eyes. Prove me wrong! The "dream" mustn't happen!  
  
She felt tears now slowly fell on her cheeks.  
  
I'm loosing a friend, all because this stupid "dream" She thought filled with despair, although, she knew that the "dream" wasn't stupid.  
  
She noticed that she was about to drift into sleep but she thought that it wouldn't be safe to fall asleep.near him. So she slowly went to her dormitory and started to do some homework.  
  
In the morning she could meet Draco, and he would give her love.  
  
*  
  
What is wrong with Potter?  
  
I've seen him stare at Ginny, and I've barely kept myself together and not letting my anger come loose. That wouldn't help Ginny.  
  
But yet. It's so hard.  
  
I've been following her, afraid to let her be alone.  
  
And it scares me to see how often he is watching her, in secret of course.  
  
But it scares me.  
  
Ginny. the thought of her brings love in his heart but also fear.  
  
Why am I so suspicious.? Just because she's been in love with him doesn't mean.mean that she'd.  
  
He felt tears burning in his eyes. But he forced them back.  
  
I'm going to have a little chat with Potter, put some sense into him.  
  
A smile spreads on his face, making him even more handsome.  
  
She.will.be.safe.  
  
*  
  
"Harry?" Ron whispered, concerned. The boy had entered their dormitory and seen Harry there, by the window. "What's wrong? He felt a sting of fear in his heart, cause he saw his eyes, they were hard and cold. This was not good he thought.  
  
"Ron. I've come to a decision, we are threw" He said in a plain, ice cold voice without any emotion.  
  
Ron felt nothing, he was numb. He merely stared at Harry's eyes, tries to find answerers there. But there was nothing.  
  
The sight of that made him scared, this was not happening.  
  
"I've noticed that I am not, as I thought, gay. No I'm plainly straight. I am sorry for any emotions I probably have stirred inside of you, Weasley. But hey, better luck next time" he sneered.  
  
Ron now saw an emotion in Harry's eyes and started to scream, in mere chock and pain.  
  
"You are not Harry!" he screams, not noticing that he was, indeed, screaming.  
  
"WHO are you? Get out! Get out!" He screams for this was NOT his love this was not him at all. Those eyes. He closed his own and merely pointed at the door and tried to get as far from him as possible.  
  
His eyes. He threw himself backward, hit his head into a lantern, fell into the floor and lost consciousness.  
  
*  
  
"Draco.?" She asked in her half slumber as she felt his warm lips on her own. A smile spread on her lips and she leaned forward in her bed, without an other thought in head besides the warm soft lips on hers. The lips moved from hers as she closed her eyes and giggled a little. Then his lips went to her Neck, cheek and all over her face. Whoa she thought as he continued. The other girls she thought and started to move away Draco from top of her.  
  
What the..? She thought as she looked at his face and hair.  
  
She screamed as she realised that this wasn't Draco, indeed it wasn't. But a hand was put on her mouth and he mumbled a silencing charm around her bed.  
  
Panic was filling her heart as he moved his hand of her mouth.  
  
Her eyes were watering and heart was filled with grief as she whispered "Harry. what are you doing?.." Her lips were trembling and she felt nauseous.  
  
He merely laughed and moved on top on her, crushing his lips against hers.  
  
She tasted blood in her mouth but still, reality hadn't hit.  
  
This.was.not.happening.  
  
He was touching her all over and she heard him laughing and mumbling compliments and insults to her but she wasn't listening.  
  
This.was.not.happening.  
  
When he tried to take her nightgown of she reacted and screamed.  
  
She was hitting him furiously as panic now struck her.  
  
But he won, he was strong, stronger then she'd expected.  
  
Draco.she thought and when he tried to pin down her hands she kicked him in the crouch with all her might.  
  
But he merely laughed.  
  
What was happening? She thought and tears of pure fear sprung loose as he had her nightgown of and his lips were searching and exploring her body.  
  
She was still hitting him but he didn't seem to notice.  
  
"DRACO!" She screams, her hope was dripping from her heart.  
  
His laugh was taunting her she started to cry, her heart leaking, and the "dream" passed her mind. That laugh. tears were flooding her eyes as he entered her and she screamed and cried.  
  
Nothing would mend this wound he had opened in her heart.  
  
She finally got relief as she passed out and there she found Draco.  
  
*  
  
AN/ what in gods name has gotten into me.. *sob* this wasn't supposed to happen! What shall I now do? yaiks. ( help me REVIEW I've got an idea but. it's probably a bad one. I suck. ( what's gonna happen now?? If you wanna know, REVIEW! please! anything!  
  
I love you all (my reviewers) and I'm sooo happy that my computer is functioning.: D Thanks to you ALL who review CRITISISM is good to work with. ( Elf Maiden, you're the ideal reviewer.. lol.. BaYer04rulz, (he he I couldn't spell it so I copied it from my reviews: P I rule) blood rose. and , :D my reviewers! I thank you. And of course I thank my friend Anna who reads this every time I review... She is so kind with her words *blushing* Well enough of me for this time. I know I promised a long chapter but nobody reviewed last time :'( so I hurried with a new one. ~carshaa~ 


	7. Reality kicks in

" What have I done?" he whispered as he snapped out of a deep thinking that could be referred also as a state of trance.  
  
"This is not happening, what.oh god" he mumbled and leaned back in his bed, a headache was appearing and it sent fiery pains threw his already troubled head. He was alone in his dormitory, which he appreciated, the rest were at a party at the raven claws dormitory. They'd been there all night.  
  
How could I have just done that? It must've been a dream, I would never. I would never. Ginny. he thought weakly. It's just a bad dream, it can't be true, it just can't! I couldn't do that, my body was merely a puppet being controlled of an other person but I was watching, oh I was watching he thought.  
  
Ginny.Oh god. I just left her. she will tell everyone, EVERYONE! They'll send me to Azkaban, they will all hate me, Azkaban. the dementors. the torture. They'll all try to kill me, they will all.hate.me. He felt tears of pain and memory fill his eyes but yet. he It wasn't near the pain he'd felt when he had realised what he'd done to the unconscious Ginny lying beneath him.  
  
He leaned his chin against his knees and wrapped his arms around them. He was now crying quietly.  
  
Dear god. She has been already lately so ill and sad. and now. he thought as tears sprung free. Now I've destroyed her. I mutilated her. I've raped my lovers little sister. the sickness was overwhelming him. No! He thought. My. my ex lover's sister. Ron.  
  
Oh god! Why did I even break up with him? I LOVE HIM he is my life! WHY did I... Ginny... He was now trembling. Am I insane? Maybe I've gone nuts, maybe somebody cursed me! Maybe I'm just.a monster. He thought.  
  
"Why am I feeling suddenly so satisfied?" he whispered as the sick thought made throw up on his bed.  
  
"Because you enjoyed it" He heard a voice say. He looked around in a sudden panic, he was crying and had been probably talking to him self, Oh god. who was it?  
  
"Who."he tried to speak but his voice broke.  
  
"Who is there? He whispered, standing up.  
  
"Who do you think it is?" a familiar voice hissed, it sent shivers and a slight fear go threw him. "I am the one you depend on, I am the one who conquered the dark lord, I was the one who gave you courage to leave that Weasley fool. I am the best of us. Now. Who do you think it is?" the voice said and he felt a smile go threw him, it scared the shit out of him. What the hell is happening he thought?  
  
" I. I don't understand. wha.." He tried but it all came in a weak mumble.  
  
"Now I'm getting tired of your consciousness, it is merely an emotion, but I can make it go away, Harry. You do want it to go away?" The voice said in a soothing way that made Harry entirely calm.  
  
"Yes." Harry whispered for the guilt was eating him up. The next thing he noticed that a smile appeared on his lips and that everything went black.  
  
*  
  
Ginny woke up in her bed, the first thing she noticed was the soaring pain. the pain. Tears now sprung free and they came as a flood.  
  
The pain. she thought.  
  
I feel so sick, what am I anymore?  
  
I am used. Oh god! HARRY! The name went threw her head and a headache flushed threw her head, she was sure it would explode soon.  
  
"Oh god" she whispered, she felt sweat running threw her face and body, the sweat getting mixed with the tears. She cried out and screamed but nobody was there, where were they?  
  
Why am I alone? Alone. She thought and in the dizziness, fear found a hole and crept in.  
  
Oh My.oh god.!  
  
What if he. he... comes back..? And.. Nausea filled her stomach and she stumbled out of bed and threw up on the floor. The pain was now increasing between her legs and she yelped in a sudden pain and humiliation.  
  
I need Draco she thought and stumbled forward, tears still leaking and mixing with the sweat that appeared constantly.  
  
Ginny was feeling a rush of panic go threw her, something's wrong. Where is everyone, she looked around in the empty common room and felt fear yet flush threw her.  
  
I must get out, I must be safe. I need someone. She thought as Harry's name was still going threw her head and the memory made her throw up again.  
  
"I hate you Harry Potter" she mumbled and stumbled put of the painting and the lady looked worried at her.  
  
*  
  
"Dear" she asked after Ginny who stumbled blindly forward, "are you alright dear?" She asked but the only answer she got was a scared jump and a faster approach to go wherever she was supposed to go.  
  
The fat lady's eyes started to moisten and she wondered why the poor little girl wasn't attending class.  
  
* "Draco" she cried as her legs gave in to the pain and she fell on her knees, she was already in the dungeons and she had no idea how she'd gotten there.  
  
She felt so lost, so alone.  
  
"Draco" she almost screamed, the pain was so. Horrible and she felt the grief growing in her chest.  
  
"Oh my god." she whispered to herself. "He doesn't want...me anymore... I'm spoiled, I'm. "she couldn't speak anymore cause she noticed the blood that had stained her legs and it was like her dream would come threw. In an other way of course but she didn't care. The only thing she cared about was that Harry.Had raped her. Tears appeared again as pictures flashed threw her head and she felt sick again.  
  
"DRACO!" She screamed and cried on the cold floor, rocking forward and backward trying to ease the pain between her legs and in her heart.  
  
"DRACO! HELP ME! God. help meee." she cried and screamed at the same time.  
  
She heard footsteps coming closer to her but it didn't matter who saw her now in her state, she was used and spoiled. And she wouldn't get the love she needed from Draco. The love she had longed for.  
  
All she could do was to let the person carry her away; she couldn't even look him or her in the face. The pain was too much. The humiliation was worse. But the love she probably had lost, it was unbearable.  
  
*  
  
Poor girl, he thought. There is only little Poppy can do to her to make her feel better, and it was only the flesh wounds she could mend.  
  
Not the ones that hurt the most.  
  
My consciousness is killing me.  
  
Should I get the person she is crying for in her sleep or should I spare him from the pain that would be before him.  
  
Should I try to make her feel better, retrieve her some comfort or should I spare her from a possible rejection from him.  
  
I'm not sure if he is strong enough.  
  
This hurts me. This hurts me hard.  
  
But I'm sure he couldn't handle it, I'm almost sure he'd brake and leave her.  
  
This is the decision that's been left in my hands, the responsibility I should cope with.  
  
Oh poor little girl, I'd do anything to go back in time to save you from this pain.  
  
I'd stay with you day and night if I could give you the comfort you need.  
  
But it's not my fatherly love you need and crave. It's the one you need from Draco.  
  
But it's my responsibility to act after my opinion, and I know you respect it.  
  
You were such a perfect student, you could've been a potions mistress, that I am certain with.  
  
The only thing I now hope for, is that you'd find the energy, the life source from Draco, and at least find a reason to live.  
  
So now I'm off to fetch one of my favourite pupils from my own house, and maybe destroy his life.  
  
* Draco looked at the pale face that was twisted in a pained grimace. It was strange that she even could have a sort of nightmare, if even a calm one, when she had received an dreamless potion.  
  
But Severus had merely stated that she'd gone threw.a lot.  
  
Oh my Gin... Oh god... Who had done this? He thought as anger went threw her and clouded the grief; it was relieving for a moment.  
  
Those dreams have already tortured her to the edge, and now. This?  
  
Tears appeared yet again; as they had so many times this hour after Severus had emotionless informed that he had they had business to attend.  
  
Business, how cold he thought. But it was the only right to do infront of the entire House.  
  
He brushed a couple of hair locks from her yes as she'd begun to twitch a little. Draco got startled that she calmed down by merely the touch of his hand against her forehead. Draco smiled.  
  
She knew it was him.  
  
He knew that he could've moved her carefully and placed himself beside her; given the comfort she so obviously needed and could receive from him. But he couldn't.  
  
He couldn't.  
  
The contact of his hand against her head was already tearing him apart, sending tortured feelings threw him. He didn't know where they came from or why they came but he knew it would be hell if he'd lie beside her. And that he feared it tore him even more. He couldn't even give some relief to the person he'd been sure he'd die for.  
  
What was happening to him, what is happening?  
  
Tears filled his eyes as pictures flashed threw his head, mostly of her dead, or her screaming, but he held his hand in the same place for he knew that he couldn't betray her more then he'd already done and for her sake he would handle it.  
  
Ginny... please help me get threw this. I need to feel that steady love that I felt before.  
  
I don't want to feel that I am living lie.  
  
*  
  
AN/ alright! A new chapter here, if anyone has coped with my fast updates. I'm sorry ya all. ( My life is this.. but hey if you want to stay updated then add me to your author alert or if you aren't logged in then leave me your email then I will try to email you every time I've updated, alright? Okay.. Love ya all! ~carshaa~ 


	8. It hurts

AN/ do'h! *smacks herself on her forehead * Allright..Read and review please..  
  
A new chapter to.. ...........  
  
I'm NOT blind, you know  
  
*  
  
"Harry.Please. " she whispered and started to twitch, tears rolling slowly down her all too pale cheek.  
  
"Let me go! LEMEGOLEMEGO" she screamed and flew up in her bed still screaming those pained, muffled words. She was drained in sweat and was shivering vividly.  
  
Not again. she thought, not again.  
  
Don't do this to me again.  
  
A cold fear surrounded her in the dark when she saw a dark figure beside her bed.  
  
"Please.. " she whispered silently as the chock was overwhelming her. "Don't" she said as a single tear fell and made its way on her cheek.  
  
She felt his arms around her again and she screamed with new fear and hatred burning inside her, killing every emotion besides them. Pain.  
  
She started to hit and kick and desperately try to escape from those harmful arms.  
  
I'm so weak, oh please god not again.  
  
He is going to kill me, or worse! Oh god...the pain!  
  
She's not actually aware of what she screamed just that she was screaming. Suddenly she was out of bed and running out of the room, stumbling, she barely thought that she wasn't, indeed, in her dormitory.  
  
She had only one thought in mind.  
  
Not again, just don't let him do it again to me.  
  
The pain... The pain.. Tears ran silently but her concentration was on the running person behind her.  
  
She ran blindly around and not knowingly she went to the library and sat down in a corner that seemed safe and out of sight.  
  
...  
  
Oh god! Don't let him find me.  
  
...  
  
Tears are useless but still they seem to appear at these times, trying to give some comfort.  
  
The fear was slowly fading and her heart started to beat in a slower rhythm.  
  
She curled up in a ball and threw her arms, defensively, around herself.  
  
She sat there silent, fear had that effect to people, and she sat and was constantly on her guard.  
  
Then she saw suddenly that one of the lanterns suddenly lit up, magically of course, and in fear of being found she smashed it accidentally on the ground.  
  
In her state of confusion and fright she felt a strange feeling of déjà vu.  
  
But she forced the worrying feeling back and concentrated on being quiet and hiding.  
  
As minutes passed and nobody was to be seen she relaxed in her hiding place in the dark.  
  
It was all dark, it was night, and she stated the obvious.  
  
He came back, she thought and tears sprung free.  
  
I knew it, I knew it!  
  
He wants to... He wants to torture me again... Do it. ALL. again... She thought, she felt a lump growing in her throat.  
  
Just do it all. again.  
  
I'm so dirty, I'm so spoiled, this body...  
  
This is not me. I.. just as..things started to seem almost good.  
  
... Oh God! ...  
  
This pain, this betrayal!  
  
Where were my friends? My loved ones?  
  
The people who are supposed to protect me?  
  
Where was. Draco?  
  
Again I'm alone and unwanted, unloved.  
  
Oh the irony.  
  
Is this my constant fate?  
  
Will I always suffer this much?  
  
Was I even supposed to survive after the chamber of secrets?  
  
Maybe Harry thought it was time to end my life that wasn't supposed to have survived?  
  
Maybe. she started to slowly cry quietly.  
  
Or maybe he is pulling a cruel joke on me.  
  
Draco.she thought, unwanted tears came again and blinded her sight.  
  
I was.wrong..  
  
Oh god! Not the dream, anything else but the. she stopped in her thoughts as she saw the glass pieces on the floor beside her.  
  
No. she thought as sadness filled her.  
  
It can't. no the dream isn't true! Hell, I am not thinking about it. I am. She thought defeated.  
  
But. A burning sob sprung free from her throat, NO! Draco wouldn't, no please give me Draco!  
  
Give me Draco she thought weakly.  
  
"You can't have him, his mine" she hissed in to thin air.  
  
He is mine. she thought..  
  
Suddenly she heard a noise and she looked around dead scared.  
  
He found me, she thought.  
  
He found me. Now.  
  
Not again! Her eyes went wide open and she knew what was to come if he had actually found her.  
  
Pictures went threw her head.  
  
Oh god..  
  
NO! She whispered.  
  
This is not going to happen, she looked at the pieces of glass and a idea went threw her head. I can end it all.  
  
No more dreams no more pictures no more rejection.  
  
And besides she thought and looked at her arm she looked at the scars, she had actually enjoyed the feeling before I met Draco.  
  
Why shouldn't I now?  
  
She listened carefully but there was no sound anymore. It must've been my imagination, yeah it must've been she thought trying to calm herself.  
  
She looked longingly at the pieces of glass.  
  
No, she mentally slapped herself. You haven't lost it all.  
  
You still have Draco she thought.  
  
But the thought gave her no sort of comfort it only filled her heart with mistrust and sadness.  
  
"Draco" she whispered. "Please come and save me..." a single tear got loose as the loneliness surrounded Ginny.  
  
This is hopeless.  
  
I'll never get love now... I'm used.  
  
.  
  
*  
  
.  
  
How she fell asleep, she would never understand. But she woke up with a strange feeling in her stomach.  
  
What's wrong? she thought?  
  
Suddenly a sour taste went up her throat and she leaned forward and threw up.  
  
What the.? She thought..  
  
She listened carefully if anyone was in the library but it seemed to be too early.  
  
She carefully stood up and walked to the door, looking carefully around.  
  
She was certain that Harry would be anywhere.  
  
I need Draco. why hasn't he found me..? Why isn't he here and comforting me?  
  
Her legs felt weak so she tried to go careful but fast. She went to the only place she could think of, the hospital wing.  
  
Every time she heard any noise she'd hide. Luckily it only was two times and both had been prefects. Neither of them from Gryffindor and neither had seen her.  
  
When she finally found her way to the hospital wing she almost ran in and ran onto someone.  
  
She felt someone catch her before she fell and the touch sent a fear and panic go threw her.  
  
She'd been so careful and now. tears sprung free and she cried out in pure pain and defeat.  
  
When the person's arms closed around her and soothingly massaged her back she looked up and saw her potions professor.  
  
She felt one feeling go threw her and she was calm, I'm safe.  
  
She leaned in his embrace, closed her eyes and breathed in his sent.  
  
He lifted her up and placed her on a bed, wrapping the sheets carefully on her, brushing the hair of her eyes.  
  
Her eyes never went away from his.  
  
When he rose she took a hold on his wrist and whispered  
  
"Don't! Please don't leave... Don't"  
  
Tears leaked from her eyes and they burned on her pale cheeks.  
  
She needed to be safe.  
  
He nodded and sat down, putting his hand on hers.  
  
Poppy came in and they exchanged looks and she nodded and went to an other room.  
  
"Ginny" Severus said with a soothing voice so unlike the one she was used to hear.  
  
"Ginny.why did you run out last night?" he asked and sounded concerned.  
  
That settled it.  
  
"Is anyone else here?" Ginny asked quietly. When the professor shook his head she continued.  
  
"Why wasn't anyone protecting me?" she asked accusingly "He came HE CAME" she screamed.  
  
"He tried to kill me! And no body cared, no body protected me.. nobody was there" she stopped as her voice broke and she started to cry again.  
  
The betrayal, how could they. she thought.  
  
"But Ginny" he said:  
  
"It was a dream! Draco was there; you woke up started to scream and before Draco could stop you; you had run out of the room and disappeared: We searched for you all night: We all searched. Draco just went for an other round; he will come here in about a half hour."  
  
Ginny merely stared at him. "What about Harry?" She whispered and dreaded the answer.  
  
"Oh he searched too, he mostly searched the library, I searched hogsmeade, and we were all worried" he said reassuringly.  
  
At this comment she started to cry, throwing herself in the bed.  
  
He. he had been so near. she thought, she felt sick and she threw up in a bucket that Severus quickly fetched with his wand.  
  
Severus looked panicked and worried and he tried to calm her and lifted a dismissive hand when Poppy came with a dreamless sleep potion.  
  
"Ginny! What's wrong?" He asked calmly, he was half worried about that she threw up but more that she was crying.  
  
But he already knew, that despair that fear and humiliation.  
  
It was obvious.  
  
Inside the professor he was screaming, kicking and killing the Potter boy, but on the outside he was calm. And so he would remain. For her sake.  
  
"It. Itwashim, it was Harry. "She sobbed and sounded hurt.  
  
She threw herself on her side, and avoided the professor.  
  
"What has Mr Potter done?" He asked.  
  
He needed the straight answer, and she needed to let it out.  
  
"It was he who raped me" she answered quietly, tears slid down her cheeks, and the pain increasing in her heart.  
  
"It's ok Ginny, he's not here." he brushed her head and tried to soothe out her fear.  
  
"I will never let him come near you again." He whispered, and Ginny actually believed him.  
  
"I know" she whispered so quietly that she wasn't sure he'd heard.  
  
.....  
  
*  
  
....  
  
"Poppy" He whispered as the girl fell in a half slumber.  
  
"Watch over her. DON'T let anyone come in, is that clear?" he asked sharply.  
  
"Of course Severus!" she responded, slightly hurt. As If I would let ANYONE near that poor girl.  
  
"Good, if she wakes up give her something calming and floo after me. I will have a little chat with the headmaster." he said, and flooed to the headmasters room.  
  
He stepped out of the green fire and searched immediately after Albus. He sat in his office in his big chair looking sad and very old.  
  
"Hello dear Severus" He said Tired. "Now I believe you know something about Virginia" he stated.  
  
"Yes she came running and scared to the hospital wing" he stopped and thought about Potter. "Potter raped her" he said in a cold tone without any emotion.  
  
He saw the old mans face turn even whiter and he saw the sadness. Hope was draining away.  
  
"I want him out of Hogwarts, somewhere else. NOW! "he shouted, there was no point to hide his anger and feelings to the Headmaster. He was more then pissed and murderous. He was devastated. He wasn't aware that he'd felt s o strong for the girl but he was aware now. And he was ready to kill Potter if he saw him in Hogwarts.  
  
"I understand the seriousness in this Severus. I want you to retrieve Mr Potter to my office immediately"  
  
Severus couldn't believe this. He wanted Potter dead or in Azkaban, now, and now he was supposed to retrieve him?  
  
No bloody chance in hell he thought fiercely.  
  
"I know how you feel Severus, but this is a must." He simply said.  
  
Albus saw the hate flicker in Severus's eyes, but he also saw that he'd already accepted his demand.  
  
"Albus, I'm not responsible for any harm mister Potter may receive during my escort. It is a dangerous world out there, you know." he said slyly  
  
"but I'm off now" he simply stated went threw the door to the Gryffindor Dormitory.  
  
As he entered threw the painting into the Gryffindor common room he had only one thought.  
  
Oh Potter's so dead.  
  
...  
  
*  
  
.....  
  
When Ginny woke up she felt immediately nauseous, so she threw up in a bucket that stood beside her bed. This was the worst one so far.  
  
What's wrong with me?  
  
She thought and looked around and saw Poppy coming towards her with a sad expression on her face.  
  
She stood by her bed, glanced at the bucket and asked with a concerned face "How often these two days have you thrown up?"  
  
Ginny thought hard but was so worried that she couldn't concentrate.  
  
"Maybe four, five times.? What's wrong? Am I sick?" she rambled on.  
  
Poppy's face radiated with sympathy and Ginny went pale.  
  
She felt so numb.  
  
So numb.  
  
Oh this pain, this pain.  
  
Why me?  
  
Yet again she felt that familiar, ice cold pain go threw her heart and all her hope faded away.  
  
She was utterly crushed.  
  
"Oh god, no." she whispered and yet again tears appeared in her swollen eyes.  
  
"I will do a simple spell that will show if. if you're pregnant or not" Poppy said sadly.  
  
Ginny rolled on her side and really wished that she'd killed herself when she had the chance.  
  
Draco will never love me after this.  
  
..  
  
She felt so numb. Nothing in this body was her own, she was just a puppet.  
  
I will never be the Ginny he loved; he will never love me again.  
  
I can't bare this, I wont. I can't.  
  
She clutched the sheets and threw them over her, to cover her from anyone's sight.  
  
I'm spoiled she thought, tears soaking her pillow.  
  
This is not happening.  
  
Draco doesn't want me anymore.  
  
Why me?  
  
This pain, I can't take it.  
  
I want to die.  
  
I have nothing to live for.  
  
Oh god. I will never be loved again.  
  
I can't live anymore.  
  
Why did he do it? Why did Harry. a person I considered my. brother..rape me..? Naw.. This must be an awful nightmare.  
  
But.  
  
What have I done?  
  
Why am I getting punished? She thought and threw her arms around her, still laying on her side with the sheets over her.  
  
"Oh dear god, give me peace" she whispered.  
  
Give me anything, give me comfort, take this loneliness away, make me pure again, let me have my Draco. Help me.  
  
Her pillow was entirely wet now but she didn't care, she was so alone.  
  
*  
  
"Ginny's here?" he shouted at the angry Poppy.  
  
"THEN let me in! I need to see her, you will let me in!" his ice cold voice was getting louder by the second and soon he was screaming at a seriously pissed Poppy.  
  
Ginny heard this but she sunk further in the sheets.  
  
Not the rejection. I'm not ready...She thought with tears in her eyes.  
  
"WHY CAN'T I SEE HER? IS SHE HURT?! You let me in NOW!" she heard Draco scream and understood that he was concerned but she couldn't. she couldn't cope with the rejection that was ahead of her.  
  
Tears rolled down her cheek when she understood that he had a right to now.  
  
"Poppy" she said calmly, carefully coming out from the sheets.  
  
"Let him in, he will only be here for a couple of minutes" she said pleadingly as the mediwitch turned to her.  
  
She nodded and let the boy in and going to her office.  
  
Draco rushed to her bed and put his hand on hers.  
  
She looked sadly in his eyes and he understood that something had happened.  
  
"Ginny! I was so worried. Darling... Why did you leave? A nightmare?" She nodded for an answer.  
  
"Ginny. who. who did it to you?" he asked carefully and softly.  
  
Ginny closed her eyes; she knew she couldn't say it because It would kill him.  
  
And Ginny wanted him in Azkaban. She wanted him to suffer, suffer the worst possible.  
  
When she looked up he saw a look of pure hatred mixed with the tears.  
  
"I can't" she whispered, and right then she threw up as the emotions made her sick.  
  
The bucket was as usual beside the bed, it was sad that she was already used to throwing up.  
  
"Ginny!" He almost screamed. "Are you sick? What happened?!" He looked so concerned that she went cold.  
  
"Well" she said with an oddly cold voice." I was raped Draco." Her voice now dripping with sarcasm.  
  
"You do know what HAPPENS when you ARE raped?" She half shouted, her voice now getting filled with a hurt tone.  
  
Draco stared at the change; this was the hurt and tortured side coming out.  
  
Draco noticed that tears were filling his eyes.  
  
The bloody bastard raped her, and now she was changed. She probably hates me, she hates me cause I wasn't there. But how could I have known? He raped her, he took something from her, and now. He was so filled with emotions that he couldn't speak.  
  
Ginny stared at the quiet person, so obviously in deep thoughts, she hated this.  
  
"WELL, how do you now feel? Knowing that your girlfriend is spoiled, huh?" she asked with an evil smile on her lips.  
  
"Ginny.." he whispered and leaned forward to take her in his arms but she flew backwards and stood up.  
  
"DON'T YOU TOUCH ME!" she shouted, she hadn't noticed that Poppy had come out and was looking terrified.  
  
"Don't you bloody touch me! You are just like him! Only wants to use me, spoil me!" she spat at his face.  
  
"You don't love me, you never did. You're so full with yourself" she said.  
  
"You were just waiting for the day you could fuck me and feel so proud" she said, her voice sounded bitterly.  
  
" WELL Draco" I'm already used AND thrown in the garbage!"  
  
"NOTHING LEFT FOR YOU TO SPOIL!" She screamed, red in the face, tears falling, blind with rage and breathing fast.  
  
"IM .She started but started to cry.  
  
He was staring at her, hating her. She knew it, she had known.  
  
"I'm . pregnant" she cried and started to shout. "Yeah! I'm pregnant Draco!" her heart was tearing apart as she saw the disgusted look on her face.  
  
"HE RAPED ME! He raped me... I'm so filthy!"  
  
She sobbed and leaned her head backwards as the pain increased in her throat, stomach and.heart.  
  
Filthy.  
  
She screamed as he merely stared at her, his cold eyes filled with silent tears of hurt.  
  
What have I done? She thought. And she fell on her knees in a sudden weakness when all her hope had left her.  
  
He would never want me anymore.  
  
Draco hurried to her and carried her to the bed as Poppy ran after. Shortly after she started to examine her she fainted as the pain overwhelmed her.  
  
AN/ *cough* I'm so sorry! I've got some sort of writers block (  
  
This is all just..crap. well.. It was at least a longer one.. yay ONE positive thing to say about it. please REVIEW, tell me how much I sucked if you like.  
  
I need seriously help.  
  
~carshaa~ 


	9. The new Harry And new troubles chapter 9

AN/ A new chapter to I'm NOT blind you know.  
  
Title: The new Harry... New troubles...  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
"Harry" slithered proudly down the stairs of his dormitory to the common room. He was very pleased with that he'd gotten rid of this pathetic self- consciousness that had this need to be so. god damned good! A shiver went threw him, but he ignored it completely.  
  
Now there's only left with me. He smirked at the thought.  
  
He was greeted by a worried Hermione and this made him very disgusted.  
  
And no need to say annoyed!  
  
"Harry!" she burst out, clearly she hadn't slept at all. Her eyes were all puffy and red and her hair was, if possible, even more out of control.  
  
"Ron still with Dumbledore, something's happened, oh Ginny" she said her eyes filling with tears. "Oh god, harry! It must be something with the attack, Oh god!" she whispered the last words and threw herself in his embrace. She cried restlessly and made him even more disgusted.  
  
Weakness was something he didn't tolerate.  
  
"Get off!" he shouted, pushing a still crying Hermione, now confused and hurt.  
  
He brushed his robes and glared at the now very worried Hermione.  
  
"Harry! What..." She stifled a cry. "What's wrong with you?" She asked and sounded hurt and broken. Harry thought this was highly amusing and started to laugh as he turned around and stepped threw the door/portrait. And leaving a broken Hermione, crying her heart out.  
  
*  
  
Ginny woke up and was blinded of the morning sun, shining disturbingly brightly. She closed her eyes, which were now hurting and opened them again and blinked hard.  
  
She looked around, her vision still blinded. But after a minute she saw the truth she feared.  
  
.  
  
She was alone.  
  
.  
  
*  
  
AN/ short scene I know... don't hurt me! *takes cover*  
  
* Harry went down the stairs, whistling, and his spirit awfully bright.  
  
I feel so free.  
  
He smirked playfully as a girl from Ravenclaw (A real hottie, he thought) walked past.  
  
He felt very pleased with himself as she blushed. I'm irresistible, at least now that Saint Potter's gone, he chuckled shortly.  
  
He played with the thought of following after the girl, maybe having his way with her but his thoughts were stopped as a person came and very harshly took grip of his shoulders.  
  
He turned to the person, his fists high, and looked into the eyes of a smirking and very angry potions professor.  
  
*  
  
"Now mister Potter" he said with a snakelike hiss. "Where might we be going with our fists high when we are late for classes?" he asked and glared happily but very much evilly.  
  
Harry smirked and replied, quite rudely by showing his mid finger. This merely made Severus more  
  
"Now now mister Potter" Severus said, his anger only increasing inside with a cool expression.  
  
"We wouldn't want to let you go around in that mood! Mister Potter." He said with a cold, smooth voice. "God knows what you might go and do, maybe rape a girl, perhaps?" he said and he was unaware that his eyes were burning and that he was now, painfully, increasing the pressure he held Harry's shoulders.  
  
Harry whimpered at the sudden pain and it sent some relief to Severus troubled heart.  
  
Oh...he would suffer.  
  
Suddenly, a change appeared to Potter that Severus noticed.  
  
It was nothing he did, it was merely his eyes.  
  
Just his eyes.  
  
Suddenly, he had closed them, as if to stiffen a cry, and suddenly he'd jerked up, and they were now changed.  
  
And so was his mood.  
  
*  
  
Ginny's eyes were now tearing. As they so often had during these past days.  
  
He left me.  
  
Ginny knew it in her heart, for he wasn't there. In her most crucial moment, he wasn't there.  
  
The rejection.  
  
Her tears faded away as the realisation made her numb.  
  
.  
  
Harry raped me, I'm pregnant and Draco left me.  
  
.  
  
I have no future to live for.  
  
I have no present to live in.  
  
I have no reason to continue this battle of life.  
  
I have no other choice then to... Surrender. to death.  
  
.  
  
She sat up in the bed, crossed her legs and studied her scars.  
  
She forced her mind to remember the "incidence" with Harry, though she knew it was already there.  
  
The pain that was already paining her came but she let it all come out.  
  
The chock.  
  
The hurt.  
  
The pain.  
  
The rejection.  
  
I'm nothing.  
  
Everything has been ripped out and torn.  
  
I am merely a being, neither human nor animal.  
  
.  
  
I'm nothing.  
  
.  
  
No. I'm still something but it wasn't helping.  
  
.  
  
She was still alone.  
  
.  
  
*  
  
"Potter" he said as the boys gaze was drilling threw his head and hatred filled him. The mere fact that he was touching the bastard enraged him, and now this.  
  
But he was also scared, his eyes... they were... different... it was hard to explain. But it made him even more enraged and he was boiling over.  
  
He didn't even notice when his fist moved from Potters shoulder to his face.  
  
Harry stumbled backwards and touched his face with his hand. It got stained with blood, and at the sight he smiled evilly at Severus and licked the blood.  
  
Severus feelings were mixed, but he knew Potter wasn't Potter. And when he jumped at Severus he was more then ready.  
  
....  
  
It was the power that scared and chocked Severus. It was the technique that felt familiar. It was the demented laugh that settled it. They fought on the ground, punching, fighting trying to get on top.  
  
And as Severus reached the goal he quickly with drew his wand and murmured a spell that knocked Harry out cold.  
  
Severus stumbled backwards still on the ground, shaken, but gracefully got up and stared at the unconscious Potter.  
  
The rage was still haunting him; the thoughts of Ginny were still haunting him.  
  
But the fear clouded them.  
  
He knew that they had a problem at their hands, they had Harry. His eyes narrowed.  
  
He knew that Harry Potter was indeed not Harry Potter.  
  
He knew this was bad.  
  
*  
  
The tests came, and she faced them alone. The tests came as positive... But she had already known.  
  
She felt the monster inside her grow and felt that nothing good would appear in the child inside her.  
  
She already hated her child, and she felt so impure.  
  
She now constantly cried day and night, the only one trying to comfort her was Poppy, but it was merely based on sympathy. The rest. never came...  
  
No one had come for three days.  
  
I'm so alone.  
  
*  
  
I got out from the hospital wing today. I'd rather I didn't. People were. staring...  
  
I couldn't understand why. They couldn't know... No they couldn't... It wasn't possible...  
  
The few who even knew are probably my family, who should've been informed, but never came to visit me after all. And Professor Snape... But I trust him...  
  
Draco... He couldn't have. no... I won't believe it...  
  
But then again... Harry. All I know was that Snape had took him off and that the headmaster kept him in a secret interrogation room where he'd been for two days straight. God knows what he'd said before they took him. I don't want to know.  
  
.  
  
This lack of information scared Ginny. But it didn't scare her as much as the fact that she was guarded constantly. Her stuff had been transported to the dungeons and she now lived in one of Severus's rooms.  
  
Madam Pomfrey came with me to my room where we discussed long about the pregnancy.  
  
The pregnancy.  
  
I made myself totally clear that I didn't feel anything positive about the child and after many hesitations she said there was a potion that would kill the foetus, of course without any pain to the foetus or the carrier. But it would take a long time and would be uncomfortable.  
  
We discussed other options but decided that this one was the best.  
  
The decision was made and Poppy went to inform the headmaster and to inform the Potions master of the required potion. As she left the room I finally got the chance to explore the beautiful room.  
  
It was a very pretty room, with a big classic bed with green sheets and big, soft cushions spread almost everywhere. She was currently sitting on a two person couch in front of a warm fire which gave the room a warm shimmer on the dark walls.  
  
She leaned back against the black leather but didn't feel safe at all now she was alone.  
  
Fear followed her everywhere.  
  
She looked at the door constantly and, because she didn't know a good spell yet, she decided to do it the old way. She pushed the drawer in front of the door, the only comfort was that if anyone tried to come in she'd at least hear it.  
  
She sighed and felt a strange feeling of emptiness; the feeling made her weak and made her stomach feel awfully unsteady. Tears were appearing yet again. Coldness swept over her and she shivered.  
  
"Draco." She whispered and a tear spilled. "Why can't you help me?" She shivered again and headed to the bathroom.  
  
She saw the shower and felt a strong need to let the water rinse everything off her. The desperate hope helped her take her jumper and jeans of.  
  
She stepped in the shower and the shower went on magically of course. She closed her eyes as the warmth washed threw her, warming her only a little. The coldness was ever so deep inside and she turned the water warmer and warmer desperately trying to make the coldness disappear.  
  
The water was now mixing with her tears and she started to cry deeply at the hopeless situation she was in. She leaned against the shower door; the sobs were now burning her throat and only coming more. She tilted her head backwards and screamed until her lungs were ready to burst and the scream was slowly fading away as the sobs conquered and she slid down the door onto the floor.  
  
The water, still falling down her face, washing the tears gladly away, was a comfort. She brought her knees up to her chin and rested her head as the tears now silently flooded her cheeks.  
  
She laid her hand on her stomach, the child was a monster. It would never be anything pure at heart. How could it? She thought. The tears were draining away, she was now so weak... so tired.  
  
The thoughts soon faded away with the water and Ginny was slowly falling in a peaceful slumber.  
  
She was getting a small peace of heaven; she was getting away from it all.  
  
.  
  
At least for a while...  
  
. *  
  
AN/ I actually think this was an ok chapter... A cookie for me then... Please Review and tell me how wrong I am... Thanks to everyone who reads or reviews.. =)  
  
~carshaa~ 


	10. The answers chapter ten

A new chapter.. I'm not sure how soon this fic will end cause I've got an idea that burning in my head but I can't get it out shortly. So.. We'll see then.  
  
I'm NOT blind, you know/ the answers.  
  
Ginny woke up cold and numb. Her body was curled to a foetus position and her back was hurting like hell. Her entire body was dead stiff and her eyes stung, badly.  
  
Silence.  
  
The horrible silence had made its place inside her. She felt, more then ever, so alone.  
  
Her body that had been so young fresh and curved was now too thin and pale. Tears filled her eyes yet again. Draco had never gotten the chance to explore her body. It's now ruined.  
  
'Oh god...' She thought as tears spilled. 'I want my mommy.' Her arms went around herself yet again and she rocked herself slowly as her aching body was finally relaxing under the water that magically reappeared. Her mind drifted to warm memories of her family, all the warm hugs and tradition gave her a silent comfort as her mind was "somewhere else".  
  
She was silently rocking back and fort with a smile ion her lips, she didn't notice that the door had been forcefully opened, due to the blockade in front of the door, and her potions master was panicky searching for her.  
  
He sprinted into the bathroom but stopped as he saw the little figure sitting under the shower, smiling. His heart was aching at the sad moment rushed threw him but he knew better then to let her stay under the shower, so for her well being he decided to carry her to her bed and tucking her in the sheets. Despite her nudeness he didn't feel any urge to look at her in any other way then how a father would. He needed for her to be safe and to be ok. He saw the tears that were now falling mercilessly and brushed them silently away, his heart crying for the girl.  
  
She soon drifted into sleep after he'd given her a dreamless potion, just in case of course.  
  
*  
  
"Potter!" A voice, known to be kind and gentle was now filled with hatred and anger, shouting at a paled, but still smirking boy, leaning with his chair, trying to provoke the man in front of him.  
  
"We have evidence, we have the victim's word, and we have it all. But YET you WONT CONFESS?" he said raising his words as his mood was showing. The Headmaster visibly hurt and tired rose from his chair looking sadly at the boy.  
  
"You are an INSULT to the wizarding world, Harry. "He shouted, staring at the boy whose smirk was fading slightly.  
  
"I can NEVER understand how you could do it, YOU DESTROYED so many innocent persons LIVES!" He shouted, a single tear falling from his eye telling more then I thousand would to anyone else.  
  
"Your parents..." he said short of breathe and the boy paled. "Your parents would have died in grief if they'd been here now" he said coldly, knowing he'd hit a spot.  
  
The boy changed dramatically and a second later he was crying openly in front of the Headmaster who felt nothing but sadness.  
  
*  
  
Ginny woke up in her bed, feeling totally out rested. She smiled as her stomach made a loud sound telling her she was hungry. She wondered for a moment how she'd be able to get something to eat when it was. almost midday she noticed. But before she could decide anything Severus had entered the room with an soft smile on his lips making him seem younger. She smiled faintly back for an answer and smiled brightly when she saw that he had food with him.  
  
"I thought you'd be quite hungry by now" he said almost fatherly that of course reminded her that her family was indeed not here. He saw her mood fall and hurriedly laid the tray carefully in front of her, egging her to eat. She tried to force back the lump in her stomach, but succeeded poorly.  
  
She needed answers. She looked up at her potions professor and now her only source for love and care and he sat down carefully on the edge of her bed.  
  
"Severus." She said softly, noticing how lovely the name sounded, not evil like she'd thought before. "I need to ask you about something" she said pleadingly. He smiled warmly and nodded.  
  
"Where is.. My family?" she asked, tears appearing. She saw his face turn from a smile to a sad expression. A cold feeling rushed threw Severus and made him awfully uneasy.  
  
"Ginny..." he said softly..  
  
"Where is Draco?! Where's mom, dad?? Tell me! Why... Aren't they .here?" she said, her voice breaking at the last words, tears burning her already tortured eyes.  
  
Severus sighed nervously and looked up at her with moistened eyes; it scared Ginny to the bone.  
  
"Well..." he said quietly, knowing she deserved a straight answer. "It started with when you told me who it was that had raped you, Harry..." he said and shivered at the name.  
  
"My responsibility was to inform the family, of course. It was.." He begun but went silent for a few seconds.  
  
"Their reactions were, needless to say, upset. But Ron... He took it quite hard. "He said now raising his voice. "He started to shout.. He didn't want to believe that Harry had... That it had been Harry." he said. A chill went threw Ginny and she felt almost entirely numb.  
  
"He said many things, accusing.people... Your parents and other siblings were already very upset that it triggered easily a fight between the boys. Your mother was sitting quietly and watched as the boys fought, Headmaster and I tried to separate them but it ended with Ron running out of the room." He said, he dreaded to finish the story he'd begun, for he knew it would hurt Ginny severely.  
  
"We couldn't find him" he added quietly. "Filch found him finally after hours in. "he started but closed his eyes as the pain overwhelmed him. Ginny was barely aware of anything else but the words floating out from Severus lips.  
  
"He'd drowned in the lake." he said watching the girl reassuringly in the eyes but her gaze was dizzy and unfocusedly.  
  
She opened her mouth and tried to speak but it came no sound, she knew he was waiting for an reaction but she felt non come. She wasn't really feeling anything, nothing at all. She started to panic at the lack of emotions and started to get cold. Why was Severus still sitting beside her, holding her hand? She stared at their linked hands and thought about Draco. Why isn't Draco here? We could have a romantic dinner in the astronomy tower she thought with a smile but it faded as fast as it came. Where's Ron? Ron isn't here. Is he with Harry perhaps, but her thoughts froze at Harry's name.  
  
And reality struck.  
  
And she cried.  
  
She shivered as warm arms were placed around her but relaxed as it was Severus's. She leaned against the strong, comforting body and her tears sped up and she was crying restlessly. She finally relaxed as the wave of sorrow calmed down, and there was only a stinging, clutching feeling in her stomach causing often new tears to reappear. She leaned her head against his chest and breathed in the sent of her potions professor. Severus himself felt oddly like 'home' when he reassured the girl he'd grown so fond about. He brushed her hair, a soothing gesture. He smiled as she relaxed even more and he felt oddly warm inside. He kissed her lightly on her head finally sealing his fate. She felt comforted by the kiss and snuggled nearer him throwing her arms around him, with her head still on his chest. And after a while she spoke up.  
  
"Why aren't the rest of my family here?" she asked softly, the empty feeling was still there in he stomach, haunting her.  
  
"They couldn't. meet you now... they had to. prepare the funeral.. "He said comfortingly.  
  
"When.." She begun but he knew what she meant.  
  
"Tomorrow. They want you to attend if you feel strong enough to. "He said comfortingly. He felt that she'd started to cry again and continued with comforting her.  
  
"I'll be here with you Ginny, you're not alone" He whispered to her softly as a warm feeling overwhelmed him. She lifted her head and her eyes met his.  
  
"I know Severus, I know" she said and planted a kiss on his lips.  
  
*  
  
AN/ *cough cough* *large grin* You didn't see that coming did you? well.. I hope I've got your attention now. I know it was a short one but I HAD to leave it there. It was a must.  
  
REVIEW IF YA LIKED.  
  
Yeah I've got only two reviewers I know.. But they r the best!!! Elf maiden, BaYer04rulz.. ( 


	11. Chapter 11 messed up

Severus leaned forward, deepening the passionate kiss, his hand mixing in Ginny's hair.  
Ginny carefully pressed her tongue against his teeth, begging to enter.  
Severus opened his mouth and let the feeling overwhelm him. 'Ah, the  
sweetness' Ginny tasted her professor and found him, strangely enough, sweet tasting,  
a smile lurked onto her lips. For the first time in a while Ginny felt partly happy. For the first time in a while she felt wanted. For the first time in a while she felt warm lips on hers, brushing gently yet lustfully. She felt his hands explore under her skirt, carefully and he paused as to  
ask of access. She welcomed it with heat and moaned softly in his mouth. The feeling of his lust and attraction for her was bringing soft tears, of joy to leak,  
and Severus noticed them, broke their kiss so he could brush them away  
carefully. Ginny smiled a genuine smile and leaned to kiss him again.  
  
But of course. it was meant to last only a short while. For the memories of Draco had already flooded her mind. And, of course, the guilt had blocked the warm sensations of comfort and lust that Severus so desperately tried  
to give. And of course. she cried.  
  
She curled her body into a ball on her bed sobbing softly but it hurt  
nevertheless.  
She mumbled words as her heart was aching, unaware that her words were  
causing tears to appear in Severus eyes, causing a feeling of hurt to  
appear and causing him to run out from her room.  
  
She cried harder as the comforting soul disappeared and left her alone to live with her cruel fate. She cried harder as Draco`s name was screaming threw her head, and leaking softly from her lips. Her heart was crying, for  
yet again, she was alone.  
  
Fate has a twisted sense of humour.  
  
*  
  
Severus ran threw the corridors, blinded by tears and hurt. This pain was  
unfamiliar to him.  
  
I was so careful, now this is what I get.  
  
His black robes were thrown over him untidily, his hair in a worse mess  
ever. His heart shattered in pieces. He was hurt. But he knew he had to  
help Ginny.  
  
She needs love; she needs something that will keep her alive.  
  
She needs Draco.  
  
Tears were leaking, staining his pale cheeks, finishing the hurt look that you would never want to see in this strong man. That had never been seen in this strong man before. He was destroyed, by a Virginia Weasley. But that he would never admit to anyone. For he needs his shield, he would never let  
anyone 'in' again.  
  
This is my life.  
  
*  
  
"Harry?" asked the voice that now had turned soft and gentle, familiar to us who had heard him before. The boy in front of the old man was now crying  
hard, hitting his head on the desk.  
  
"It's not me, it's not me" the boy whispered between the sobs making the  
headmaster frightened to the bone.  
  
This was serious, yes indeed.  
  
"Who is it then, Harry, my boy?" he asked gently adding some softness to  
his voice.  
  
"It's... aw" he cries harder and started to twitch.  
  
"Albus..." he cried out these words and stood up, his face tear stained.  
  
"Malfoy! Its...Help me, please!" he shouted and fell on the floor twitching hard. The scared Headmaster sprinted out from the chair (very strange if  
you consider his age) and fell on his knees beside the boy who now was  
unconscious.  
  
*  
  
"Ginny dear?" a soft concerned voice asks opening the door to her room. The  
girl lies on the bed under the sheets but will not show her face.  
  
"I'll be right up, Poppy. Give me a minute" she asks quietly trying to hide  
the soreness of her voice after the crying. The person smiles warmly,  
agrees and leaves the room silently.  
  
Ginny feels new tears forming. Today it will be gone. She slowly gets out of bed, pulls on a pair of jeans and a new blouse and throws the robe over  
her.  
  
She goes to the bathroom and looks in the mirror. I look horrible as usual.  
She thinks.  
  
She washes her face and leaves her room and meets the nurse, waiting in the  
corridor. "Let's go Ginny dear" she says and puts an arm around the little figure.  
  
She obviously sees that Ginny's eyes are red and swollen, but it's normal  
for a girl in her situation, she thinks.  
  
The walk in silence.  
  
The go straight to the hospital wing and Poppy asks Ginny to wait a while  
when she gets the potion.  
  
Fear starts to appear in Ginny. Doubt and guiltiness burns in her stomach.  
  
^  
  
How can I do this?  
  
^  
  
How can I kill a baby that is a part of me?  
  
^  
  
You can do it because it is a monster. And you know it Ginny. a voice says  
in her head, answering her questions.  
  
^  
  
But it's still a child! I'm a murderer. nothing mere but a murderer.  
  
^  
  
Her thoughts were interrupted by Poppy who came with the potion and  
motioning for Ginny to take a seat in one of the beds. Ginny obeyed and  
settled down in one. Poppy came to her with a reassuring smile.  
  
"You'll just take this potion first then I'll give you a sleepless potion  
so that you won't feel the pain, dear. "  
  
Ginny nods and looks up in the nurses eyes, waiting for some comfort. But the nurse knew better then to give it now. Ginny would need it later. Ginny took the potion that tasted awful, and then the sleepless potion quickly. The potion worked quickly for she started to feel the pain in her stomach just before she fell asleep and she saw the tears in the nurse's eyes just  
before she fell in a deep sleep.  
  
*  
  
Draco.  
  
You are needed here now with Virginia. I will not take no for an answer,  
you understand me? I don't care what your business is at the Malfoy mansion right now but you  
will come here. Floo over here a.s.a.p. or take you broom. Do whatever but be here fast.  
You are deeply needed.  
  
Sincerely  
  
Your godfather  
  
Draco read threw the letter many times, not knowing what to do. I can't go.  
It's her life at stake here! He thought frustrated.  
  
But what if. her life is already at stake? What if Lucius had cheated? What  
if.  
  
The decision was made; he hurried down the stairs to their fireplace and  
flooed to Hogwarts.  
  
*  
  
Severus sat in his office, drinking from a pocket flask. He tried to say to himself that he needed to calm the nerves but he knew better. He felt new tears appear but just then someone appeared in his fireplace and he had to  
force them back while he hid the pocket flask.  
  
So... He actually came...  
  
"Godfather" Draco said when he saw Severus sitting by his desk. "What's  
wrong with Ginny?" He asked concerned.  
  
"We'll come to that soon, Draco. But first may I ask you a few things... "He said his voice cold as ice. Warning signs went threw Draco`s head but  
he took a seat in front of the man and waited.  
  
"How kind of you to come at my request, but May I ask WHY you left in the  
first place?" His voice rising slightly.  
  
"I was needed at the mansion" he said plainly avoiding eye contact.  
  
"So needed that you left Virginia alone to cope with the pregnancy?  
Draco?!" He said now almost shouting.  
  
"I was needed at the mansion, Severus" He said firmly.  
  
"Well.. I hope you are informed that you left Virginia quite depressed and that she now has to go threw the abortion totally alone." he said almost in  
a whisper, he saw how Draco paled obviously.  
  
"She did an abortion?" he whispered, he hadn't even considered that she  
would do an abortion.  
  
"She's doing it right now Draco. What did you think that she would want to  
keep it? A reminder to what happened? What were you thinking boy?" he  
shouted now obviously pissed.  
  
"I, can I see her? I must be with her. She needs me" he said determined.  
  
"Yes she needs you, she needs love. But if you do anything like that  
again.You will kill her Draco." He said sadly and truthfully.  
  
"But I can't stay long... "He whispered, tears appearing in his eyes. The  
godfather looked sadly at the boy, hurt was radiating from him.  
  
"Dear Draco, please do tell me what is wrong." He pleaded his heart crying  
at the hopeless situation.  
  
"I...I can't..." he whispered and tears started to fall on his cheeks.  
  
Severus stood up and was about to take the boy in his embrace when someone else flooed in for the second time within twenty minutes. The headmaster  
came in looking serious.  
  
"Severus, I'm glad you're here.. " He started but stopped when he saw  
Draco.  
  
"Oh Draco`s already here, well then. We've got some things to talk about,  
boys" he said without the usual twinkle in his eye.  
  
*  
  
Ginny woke up, alone as usual. She immediately felt the pain in her stomach  
and intimate areas. Oh god, she thought. She didn't notice the tears that appeared yet again.  
Because now the whole realisation sunk in.  
  
^  
  
I could've been a mom.  
  
^  
  
A mom  
  
^  
  
I wouldn't have been alone; I would've had someone to love and someone  
who'd love me.  
  
^  
  
I wouldn't have been alone.  
  
^  
  
Ginny looked around and noticed that Poppy had left some chocolate frogs  
for her.  
She is so kind, Ginny thought.  
  
But she felt so impure, so dark in the all too white room. She drew the sheets over her head trying to think of something else but the child she just killed. But the only other thing that came into mind was Draco. Soon memories of everything they'd been threw and experienced filled her mind and gave her some peace of mind for a while. When Poppy came in to check up on the girl she heard stifled giggles come from her bed, under the sheets. Poppy became quite uncertain for a second. Had the girl lost her mind, or  
was she really just innocently just laughing? She shook the uncertain  
feeling off and pasted a smile on her face and walked to the bed.  
  
"So Ginny, what's so amusing now?" she asked warmly and Ginny crawled,  
embarrassed, from under the sheets.  
  
"Well... I was just thinking about this time when.  
  
*  
  
When Poppy left the girl to bring lunch she felt pleased, Ginny had told  
some stories about things she and Draco had done and it had been quite touching to hear her talk so lovingly about them together. But of course it  
had caused tears to spill but she had comforted the girl.  
  
At least she can remember good times. Maybe they can help her cope. And not  
cause her death. She thought as sadness overwhelmed her.  
  
*  
  
"You need to talk to us? What about Albus?" Severus asked as he sat down in  
his chair, he motioned for the headmaster to take a seat beside Draco.  
  
"We have a very serious issue at hand, Severus" Albus said slowly to  
increase the dramatic scene.  
  
"It is, of course about Mr Potter" he said and saw Draco tense.  
  
"What about him?" Severus hissed. "I thought it was clear, the evidence is  
clear Albus!" He said now genuinely angry.  
  
"I thought so too Severus. But in my interrogation I stumbled cross  
something very distressing." he said his voice sounding very much calm.  
  
"And what was this?" Severus asked slightly annoyed.  
  
"I think our Mr. Potter is under the imperious curse or something worse,  
Severus." He said and waited for the reaction.  
  
"But he didn't how any signs in the test, Albus..." Severus said alarmed.  
"And I did them myself.." Albus interrupted him by nodding.  
  
"I know this Severus. That is why I said something worse, for he was in deep pain when he tried to get control, and he spoke, and that's where we  
come to you Mr. Malfoy." He said turning to Draco who looked utterly  
confused and angry.  
  
"He mumbled very few words... But he mentioned your surname, Draco. Do you in any way know why?" He looked deeply into the boys eyes trying to find  
some truth in these hard, ice-cold eyes.  
  
Draco`s reaction was a chock to them all, he fell in tears.  
  
*  
  
Ginny was thinking of a song she'd heard when they'd found a radio in the  
school and flicked threw channels together,  
  
"As I look into your eyes I see the sunrise  
The light behind your face helps me realise  
  
Will we sleep and sometimes love until the moon shines  
Maybe the next time I'll be yours and maybe you'll be mine  
  
I don't know if it's even in your mind at all  
It could be me  
At this moment in time  
Is it in your mind at all  
It should be me, it could be me forever  
  
Wandering through life will love come home to you  
And the love you want forever, will they be true to you  
  
Will we sleep and sometimes love until the moon shines  
Maybe the next time I'll be yours and maybe you'll be mine  
  
I don't know if it's even in your mind at all  
It could be me  
At this moment in time  
Love's indescribable  
It should be me, it could be me  
Forever "  
  
She smiled as she remembered that its name had been Sunrise and the band  
was something like Simply Red. She started to sing the chorus from it,  
letting the blissful memory flash threw her.  
  
*  
  
AN/ I'm sure no one will recognize this song... but I at least love it... Every time I hear it I'd like to run around in a circle with my arms out  
*giggle* Well.. I love it even though it isn't really my taste I music. I'm sorry to all who thought this was stupid of me to put the song here but I thought it  
would fit in. ~carshaa~  
  
Draco walked slowly around the castle.  
  
I'm as good as dead he thought and mentally snorted.  
  
When Lucius will hear that the Malfoy heir has gone and told the old fool for a headmaster everything of his plan, he'll kill me. That's for sure.  
  
He didn't mind his own death that much, but he was afraid that Lucius would go threw with his black mail, that is to kill Ginny. He closed his eyes at  
the thought of Ginny.  
  
Not that it will do any change, I've already destroyed her, he thought and  
tears appeared in his eyes.  
  
He was walking near the hospital wing, though he had no intention to go in  
to meet Ginny at all, when he heard a familiar song being quietly sung.  
  
I don't know if it's even in your mind at all  
It could be me  
At this moment in time  
  
The memory came back to his mind. Ginny. he thought.  
  
Is it in your mind at all  
It should be me, it could be me forever  
  
Mine mine mine forever.  
  
Then Ginny's voice stopped and now Draco's heart was already crying so he walked into (well actually almost jogging) the hospital wing but stopped as  
he saw Ginny.  
  
*  
  
Ginny lifted her tear stained face and saw who it was at the door, her  
heart was breaking.  
  
Draco.  
  
He looked so handsome, so beautiful, although horridly too pale. His hair was open and was in a total mess, giving a very rough, sexy look. He looked so good, he was slightly too pale but otherwise he was healthy. Nothing about his appearance would say that he was hurt or mortified that he'd been just separated with his girlfriend. 'Oh god....' she thought. 'He  
isn't broken like, he will never love me anymore'  
  
It hurt, badly.  
  
Then their eyes locked, hers were already tearing but she still searched  
for an answer for everything he'd done to her.  
Her throat was trying to force up a scream but she will forced it down. Her heart was aching so hard it should be dead, and her head was still in  
chock. But she needed her answer. She didn't care that she looked like a mess, she  
didn't care shit. Her lip was trembling and she was breathing hard but her eyes were steady,  
besides the tears and the swollenness.  
  
She knew she needed an answer.  
  
*  
  
'Oh god..' he thought as he saw her, she looked thin, almost anorectic, and pale, that made her hair look dreadfully red, and her eyes were swollen and  
red and had tears in them.  
  
But still she looked beautiful; she had that elfishness that made you think  
she was made of glass.  
He felt his heart break in two as he realised he'd helped to cause her downfall. Their eyes now met, in every other way she looked like she would  
fall apart by the mere sight of him, besides her eyes. They were rock hard and demanding. He knew what she wanted but he also knew what he wanted to do. He wanted to take her in his arms and chase all the  
bad thoughts away. To make everything better.  
  
Although he knew it would probably never happen, she probably hated him.  
And she had a right to do just that.  
  
The pain is throbbing in my heart, my mind is telling me to back out. What shall I do now? We keep on staring and daring each other to do something  
when I know it should be me.  
Fuck you Draco Malfoy. Fuck you. You aren't going to mess this up too.  
  
"Ginny" he said softly, breaking the silence.  
  
That was all that was needed for Ginny.  
  
She broke into tears and cried her heart out while Draco stood by the door  
numb struck. 'What the hell am I supposed to do? I want to kiss her, hug her, and make  
her feel better. But I'm certain she hates me.' So he backed out of the  
room leaving her at her most woundable moment. And hating himself for  
everything he'd done.  
  
*  
  
AN/ Now.. I could've gone further with the story but I wanted to leave it here. Well now I've got this one decision in mind. GW/SS or GW/DM *yawn* yeah I decide this.. Tuff thing it is. What if I screw it up by deciding wrong? My life would end. *big yawn* I need sleep. I'm so tired.. Really.. Well.. Review... Oh n yeah... Don't blush elf maiden, you n' bayerruler deserve the title great and even more, Oh n' if anyone has msn messenger do please inform me.. *Grin* It would be nice to talk with someone about Harry  
Potter, lol.. Or just stuff..  
  
I NEED SLEEP I'm too tired to write more.  
  
Bye ya all  
  
~carshaa~ 


	12. The end, chapter 12

AN/ As you see by the name of the chapter this is the end. or is it? read and REVIEW!!! hugs n' kisses.  
  
title: I'm NOT blind, you know  
  
Chapter: The end  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
'Oh god. This pain, this hurt.'  
  
'Why didn't he help me, comfort me? He left me'  
  
'He left me again and proved my undeniable fate'  
  
'To be left -alone'  
  
'This is the pain, the pain I can't live with.'  
  
'I need him back, or I will not live'  
  
'I open my eyes try to look around'  
  
'My eyes are hurting, they are so sore. My entire body is weak and thin but I manage to rise from the bed and walk towards the door.'  
  
'Oh god Draco, don't leave me!'  
  
*  
  
Outside the door she meets Severus, a feeling of shame washes over her and she blinks a couple of times before she smiles carefully.  
  
"Hi Severus" She says quietly and gives him a small hug that overwhelms him.  
  
"Hello Virginia, I am pleased to see that you feel better." He smiles a genuine smile and makes Ginny feel loads better.  
  
"Yeah I was on my way.-" she starts-  
  
"To search for Mr. Malfoy?" Severus asks still smiling warmly. She nods carefully.  
  
"Yes well I'd first like to tell you something that might make you feel better, perhaps?"  
  
She nods yet again and he takes a deep breath.  
  
"Well, I and the headmaster discovered that Mr. Potter is under a powerful imperious curse or a hex and is controlled by a strong wizard. We believe that he WAS under it already during- the attack." he says sadly and waits for response  
  
Ginny felt a mixture of disgust but relief.  
  
Disgust- because someone had forced Harry upon her. Someone had enjoyed o watch her as Ginny AND Harry had to suffer.  
  
Relief- Because Harry hadn't... Raped her. Harry was still the person she'd loved.  
  
She impulsively hugs Severus yet again and gives a short yelp of relief that makes Severus feel a great deal better.  
  
"Thank you, professor. Please tell me if you find a cure for it and then. I must talk with him, if I may." She says quietly and feels tears appearing in her ached eyes.  
  
"But of course Virginia." He says now with his usual snappishness, but Ginny senses the warmness in it so she merely smiles and turns around.  
  
She needed to find Draco.  
  
She needed him.  
  
*  
  
She walked slowly threw the corridor, speeding up slowly and soon she was almost running.  
  
She needed to find Draco and tell him everything.  
  
Tell him she loves him, tell him she needs him and ask him if he still wants her. Something inside of her pushed her outside and towards the lake. Something told her, 'he's here.' She slowly saw his figure by the lake standing with his back against her. Love was filling her sore heart and mending the ache.  
  
His hair was getting messed up by the wind but it only made it look, if possible, even better.  
  
His back was straight but... he is bending a little forward? She stopped numb struck.  
  
'Is that a hand in his hair? Is that a person he is leaning forward to?'  
  
A pain struck into her heart and it felt like being shot by a gun right threw the heart. She now saw the other person's big, bushy hair that he was holding roughly as he leaned forward, now deepening the obvious kiss.  
  
'Ah, these tears. Tears of hurt as hope has now vanished.'  
  
She closed her eyes and blinked a couple of times. Not wanting to admit this betrayal. She now saw the rest of the person Draco was so obviously enjoying. Big hair, small figure, a book in her other hand.  
  
It was Hermione.  
  
A feeling washed over her and she turned around and ran to the castle. Tears were falling as her heart was breaking. The betrayal, the hurt, the tears.  
  
'How ironic, I am meant to be hurt, trashed and left to rotten. I have a cruel fate in front of me, must I meet it?'  
  
'My heart, my ached heart! This is not a feeling I'd even wish upon my worst enemy and yet I have to suffer of it.'  
  
She felt something burning in her throat and she stopped and screamed of hurt, halfway from the lake.  
  
She screamed of hurt then, as tears were appearing again, ran inside the castle and ran straight into her room.  
  
As she closed the door she leaned back on it and slowly started to cry, cry as the pain increased in her shattered heart and felt the loneliness now dominated her whole soul and being.  
  
The hurt, the betrayal.  
  
'I really thought he loved me. It was the only thing I had, the only thing I really had'  
  
She then remembered something. Today was the burial of her brother.  
  
"Ron..." she whispered and started to cry furiously, rocking herself in the same time as she had started to hit herself in the chest trying to stop the hurt.  
  
"I can't take this anymore!" she shouted threw her tears.  
  
New tears appeared as she slowly went for her knife from her drawer. The sight of the source of relief was cold.  
  
'My soul is already gone, what else is left?'  
  
She settled herself by against the bed and carefully pressed the blade against her forearm.  
  
Tears appeared in her sore eyes and she sniffled a couple times.  
  
'God, how I missed this feeling'  
  
She saw the thin line of blood and suddenly felt proud. But her thoughts went of again on Draco, his smile, his eyes, his hair.  
  
Hermione. Draco.  
  
She cried out and pressed the blade harder and harder against her arm, wishing for relief.  
  
Her thoughts were of Draco as the blood loss made her dizzy. She rested her head on her bloody arms as she felt light in the head. She felt tears on her cheek.  
  
'This is what I wanted' she thought trying to calm her ached heart.  
  
'I want peace; I want to escape this grief.'  
  
But still, her heart was crying, shattered and hurt. She started to cry softly and just then someone entered. In a wave of panic she decided to end it fast. She threw the knife towards the pain in her heart to end it before anyone could stop her.  
  
She didn't hear the person by the door scream, she only felt a pain but she couldn't tell if it had been caused by the blade or if it was her heart crying.  
  
She felt blood in her throat hand she gasped for breath.  
  
'This is my end' she thought. A tear spilled as she saw Harry kneel down beside her, she saw that he was screaming but she couldn't hear it too well. She smiled warmly to him, trying to show him she still loved him. She saw him turn his head as she fell backwards and shout to someone. She felt a sleepiness overwhelm her as the pain was aching.  
  
It was then he arrived.  
  
'Draco....' she thought. Her heart was screaming of hurt.  
  
He looked at her desperate and hurt. She saw something that made her feel empty; she saw tears in his eyes. He knelt down and whispered something to her that she couldn't hear.  
  
"I thought you loved me." she whispered, heart broken and started to cough, she saw blood.  
  
"I loved you both... But you didn't love." she said weakly, now fading into darkness. Harry and Draco were both crying, both with one of her hands in theirs.  
  
"Me back." she whispered barely and closed her eyes as relief was waiting. She faded away from her misery and faced her death.  
  
*  
  
AN/ I know some people like happy endings but hey I'm not that kind of a person, but I promise, SOME good will happen in the next chapteeeeer. Oh yes there WILL be a next one... but then *sniff* it will probably end.  
  
I kinda ruined the story after the first chapter because I wasn't sure if it would continue. But I LOVE suicidal scenes *grin* all right... Tell me if you are pissed or glad. OR SAD, if someone would be sad it would be just perfect... Oh and there was no need to decide about the SS/HG or DM/HG... And that was kinda the point... *grin*  
  
THANKS TO EVRYONE THAT REVIEWS oh n' that is ELFMAIDEN and BAYER04RULZ, Two persons, but that's already much to me. You guys/girls rock!  
  
~carshaa~ 


	13. The death

AN/ it works!! muaahaha! ENJOY! it's the last chapter! *kiss*  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
"Oh god" he whispered looking at the, obviously, dead person whose hand lay in his.  
  
"Oh god" he repeated, not knowing what exactly he was supposed to, here lay his love, his only reason to live, and she wasn't breathing.  
  
This couldn't be happening, it just can't be.  
  
This was his life now dead, this was his love running away, and this was his future. There is nothing anymore, it is dead and it is gone.  
  
He was dead.  
  
He took his free hand and gently brushed her hair from her beautiful, pale face, staring at the sight of beauty that never would take an other breathe. Never would open it's wonderful eyes and smile with that gorgeous smile that made you weak in the knees. A tear fell on her cheek and Draco was pulled away from his thoughts, startled, he was tearing.  
  
He touched his completely wet cheek and saw that he was indeed crying on the outside. Why was he feeling such a calm feeling inside then? He felt like he was just watching her, nothing else, and nothing more.  
  
The beauty of her was still there, although her freckles looked strange against her pale skin. He noticed that his hands were drained with blood, her blood... He looked at her hand carefully, seeing the slashes she had made to end her obvious misery.  
  
Oh why hadn't he helped, KISSED her, embraced her yesterday?  
  
Now he had to live on the memories that were also fading away, they were blocked by the sight of her barely a moment ago and her last words  
  
'I loved you both but you didn't love me back'  
  
She wanted love, and I didn't give it. I am nothing. Why? Why didn't she wait for me, wait for my answers? I would have loved her, kissed her, and lived for her! Now... I can't give anything to anyone. I am nothing. I was blind, I didn't understand her need, I didn't think of her. I merely loved her.  
  
Why had she now decided to end it? "Why?" he whispered, wanting an answer so he turned to the person beside him he had totally forgotten who was crying but held her hand still in his.  
  
He didn't look at him but he answered truthfully. "She wanted love, you didn't give it" He had to stop because his voice was breaking. This little angel in front of him was dead; God had needed her more then us.  
  
"She saw you Draco, she wasn't blind" he said, almost in a state of trance, now tearing vividly. His gaze was clouded and he dropped her hand but looked into thin air. "She wasn't blind, you know. She saw you with Granger, Malfoy, embracing each other, kissing each other. She thought you loved her, she should have known better." He whispered the last words, confused and sad.  
  
For this were her words coming out from his mouth. He got a little peace of her to remember, and he would be grateful later for it. Hw would always treasure this memory afterwards.. But they were now in the present.. And the present held sorrow...  
  
He closed his eyes and started to cry furiously, avoiding the tearing man beside him, shaken and hurt, he was crying for his loss, the two deaths he had caused, the love, the man and the "little sister he'd always wanted" he had loosed. He cried for the last words she had whispered and he cried for his fate. But he also cried for the stupefy of Draco, the guilt he must be feeling.  
  
The pain.  
  
*  
  
Draco shook his head, tears falling on his cheek. He wouldn't accept this fate, he wouldn't accept it. He saw me with Granger? She must've seen him then slap her in the face, telling her that she was a worthless slut?  
  
Oh god... she didn't see it, she saw the moment she had kissed her, and the weakness he first had felt. His weakness, his torture the pain.  
  
His fate.  
  
*  
  
Tears falling silently on his cheek he turned to the Potter boy crying, he knew that he had lost much too, he had also lost his love, and he had suffered by the hand of Draco's father. Draco cried now also, cursing his father for the misery he had caused to four lives, he had killed two of them and probably three.  
  
Draco started to laugh, thinking 'Oh but I solved that, I made him pay'  
  
The potter boy was staring at him. I can't take this anymore; Draco thought and started to cry again. The pain was swelling in his chest, reminding him of the death he caused. The tortured soul had found its own way to get threw life. Harry stood up and left, probably to inform the headmaster in his Gryffindor way. Draco looked longingly at the knife that lay beside Ginny's dead body; he closed his eyes feeling the same stabbing pain in his heart as he had felt months ago... When he first had found Ginny.. But now... she had succeeded... She was dead... But she's alone up there, in heaven, without love, without me. She needs me; I have to give her something. He thought, tears now uncontrolled falling.  
  
I need her.  
  
He crept to her, taking her in his arms, embracing her warmly. This is my love he thought. This is how it was supposed to be. He sensed her perfume mixed with the smell of blood, he felt like home. Her body was loose and cold but he loved her, he wanted to be like her, he wanted to die like her. So he took her knife and slid up his wrist, feeling the warm blood wash over his hand but he only drew Ginny nearer and kissed her lightly on the lips. He slashed his both forearms to speed up the death, watching Ginny for the last time.  
  
Death was near, he could feel it. Oh god.. The smell of blood.. The triumph was swelling, 'I caused this pain', but faded when he saw Ginny dead body. He wanted it. He closed his eyes as he felt the dizziness overwhelm him and he fell backwards with Ginny landing on top of him. He smiled slowly; as the pain in his arms was fading and his heart seem to beat slower.and slower... His eyes were now fixed on Ginny wanting her to be the last on his mind before he meets his death, his salvation. They were now tearing once again, this all could've been changed, and it could've ended with us together, in love, alive. But this was the other choice, death together. At least we end up together. It is the only comfort in this sad situation. "Oh god Ginny. I love you so much.." he whispered out to the dead woman in his tight embrace, kissing her fore head for the last time then shutting his eyes and after a while he drifted away.  
  
*  
  
Harry found them mere seconds after Draco had dosed away.  
  
The sight was horrible, sad yet romantic in a twisted way. He was sad but not shocked, he thought sadly. He had loved her too much, more then he'd loved Ron he admitted depressed. They had shared a unique bond, it was together alive or dead. He closed his eyes as Albus entered the room and gasped, obviously shocked Harry felt tears appearing in his closed eyes, this was so depressing, but he would live. He knew it. It would be hard but he would survive, or he would never receive forgiveness from the Weasleys.  
  
This was his fate.  
  
*  
  
Severus got the new a few minutes after Albus had seen the horrid scene. Severus had thanked the headmaster for the news coldly, and hurried to the scene. He was needed. There was no control over the situation, people crying, Albus distressed, looking even older then before. The same day they had been informed that Draco's father Lucius had been found dead, murdered by his son. And now he was dead too, and Ginny too. Severus threw his normal insults about the poor job they were doing. It seemed to give people some sense in their head as they glared angrily at him and continued their duty.  
  
After the long day Severus locked himself in his room and after a while he burst into tears mourning after the death of his only love and his godson.  
  
The only two persons he had ever cared for were dead.  
  
This was his fate.  
  
*  
  
Harry reached the two graves that were linked together in a tombstone with an angel on top.  
  
The angel was beautiful, with locks and an innocent look. It was to remember Ginny.  
  
On her foot there was a snake, it didn't look like it was strangling her, no it was embracing her in a  
  
way only they could understand, and the angel smiled at the snake.  
  
It was their love, it was them together. It was them.  
  
Harry felt tears fall, he felt peace as the arrangements he's asked for had been done.  
  
The statue was to show the world their never dying love, and to show their uniqueness.  
  
And the text explained the rest. He smiled turned around; he had another grave to visit.  
  
He left the tombstone, not needing to read the text threw another time.  
  
He knew it by heart.  
  
This was his fate.  
  
'Love makes you blind,  
  
Love was what they shared,  
  
Love is what they still have.  
  
Love after death did them apart'  
  
*  
  
AN/ I'm such a wimp... I'm crying! I'm crying because this was too sad, I'm so cruel to Draco n' Ginny. And now.. This is the end of I'm NOT blind you know. My first long fanfic. I'd like to thank my LOVELY reviewers' elf maiden and Bayer04rulz, I love you guys *Cries and hugs them (mentally I mean)* I hope you'll follow my fics in the near future, I'll probably start with one soon but I need to get an idea.. I've got friends for that, lol. But ill take anything u 2 will give me, all right. THANKS  
  
This was me, this was I'm NOT blind, you know.  
  
~carshaa~ 


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